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Post by Zeniro on Mar 11, 2008 11:31:50 GMT 1
True Friendship
When I heard your heart was broken, My heart was broken too. There isn’t anyone alive, Who should do those things to you.
In this time of sadness, In loneliness and pain. Know deep in your heart, That they can’t do it again.
You’re free now from the shackles, From the misery that binds. It’s all in the past, Leave the pain behind.
I know what I am saying, As I write these words for you. I’ve felt what you are feeling, Because my hearts been broken too.
So smile your bright smile, And laugh among your friends. Surround yourself in love, Because friendship never ends.
You’re beautiful, and lovely And it would be a sin. If some one should hurt you, And you never smiled again.
Friendships last through distance, Weather time, and is always true. No matter when, where or why… We’re friends and I’m here for you.
(I wrote this for a friend in an attempt to lift them out of a bad time in their life.)
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Post by Alkaiser on Mar 11, 2008 15:35:17 GMT 1
Work on expanding your vocabulary, and don't use the word again to get you out of rhymes schemes like pain and sin. Having to mispronounce a word just to make a rhyme really ruins the flow of any work.
That being said, writing poetry for friends is a beautiful gesture. Good job with your message.
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Post by Zeniro on Mar 11, 2008 16:30:03 GMT 1
Duly noted.
And thank you.
Also my advice is do not mispronounce the word. I don't when I read it. If you read what I write you'll often find that the rhyme schemes are sporadic at best. I only make use of them to help me get the words out, I find that when I start to rhyme it's easier for me to start churning those thoughts out. Which is why sometimes I either adhere to the scheme...or simply fuck around with it at my leisure. After all poetry is about creative experimentation. I also have a weird facination with a technique called half rhyme...It adds a disjointed feel many aren't comfortable with, so if you come across that in my works I ask you not to be too put off. It's just me being weird.
The fragmented rhyme in this poem, I can see where you are coming from. However It stays. Because if you ever saw this girl smile, then you would agree with me that it would indeed be a sin if she never smiled again.
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Post by Aden Allett on Mar 12, 2008 2:55:30 GMT 1
I do enjoy reading your poems and I think that what alkaiser said stands.
With that said, you make a new thread for each poem, it just seems more helpful to put them all in one thread rather than scattering them about and taking up space.
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Post by Zeniro on Mar 12, 2008 11:08:52 GMT 1
Aye I used to do that when I was a bit more prolific with my writing. Seems I've hit a vein recently. I'll see what I can get organised. In the long run it would probably be easier.
Thank you for the in put.
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