Post by Victoria Alexander on Dec 19, 2007 20:29:25 GMT 1
(ooc: I have plenty of time at work to write up stuff so this takes after the move thread just so anyone knows if their going to reply.)
Victoria sat against the school wall. Her head against the brick foundation as she looked up. Her eyes empty as she slowly closed them only to open them to the blue sky above her. The clouds seemed to drift tiredly across the sky. They felt like she felt, worn, tired. It was a matter of time before they would dissipate just like she would. For someone so young how could she feel so old.
Flopping her head downward the hood of her hoodie covering her face, she looked at the grass that she sat on. Her head filled with many memories, more bad than good. She chose to ignore them as they ate at her. She could even hear the voices of her old friends in her head. The calm tone of Kazuki as he once whispered in her ear. The confident Leon as he put forth himself to protect the school. The friendly words of Tim when she needed it most. Even the bad seemed to mock her. With the screams of her mother. The laughter of the man who slaughtered her. Violets childish giggles. Kvist’s un-daunting threats. Those voices roaming in her mind as she sat there alone.
Tightly closing her eyes she would try to shut them out. How she pleaded with her own mind to just forget everything. But she couldn’t and that was why she was there. She hated herself for caring. For having any hope of rekindling any relationship. The hope that she herself would try to snuff out. She could handle knowing that she was not the same person anymore that she was not the old Victoria but deep inside her she knew that she just had to know that things turned out ok.
Opening her eyes she looked around, still quiet. Sighing slightly as she looked back to the clouds. This was one of those times she wished she would have kept her cell phone. Just wanting to know the time would have helped her not feel so bored. It felt like time simply was stuck and she would be sitting there forever. And as if on cue her ears perked to the sounds of bells in the distance.
Must be a church near by, she thought to herself as she rose to her feet. If anything it had to be close to noon and school was still in for a couple more hours. She had nothing better to do, so she decided to explore. Listening to the light chimes of the bells in the distance she decided to go and find the church.
Victoria was never a church person. The lord himself knew that personally, as she blamed him for her misfortune with her parents. The rest, well the rest of the bad things were her fault and couldn’t really blame anyone on that but herself. Dusting the grass and dirt off her pants she started walking, looking in the distance towards the direction of the chiming bells, narrowing the area down just in time for the bell to echo in the distance and dim off. She walked.
It seemed pretty busy in the day time. Taxi's and cars rushing on the roads. People screaming, chattering everywhere as they went on with their daily life. It wouldn’t take Victoria long to come across the large church whose bells stood still. Looking at the large wooden doors she contemplated on whether to go in or not. Maybe a little prayer was all she needed. At least to make it through her trip without breaking down.
Walking into the church. It seemed rather empty as she looked around. The large room dim with what little light shining through the painted glass. Its seemed rather breathtaking when the hues of red, yellow and other various colors seemed to bounce around. Victoria never seemed so out of place than she did right now.
Deciding to take a seat in the back pew she again looked around and saw no one. Making note that this was the best time as any she put her hands on the pew in front of her and placed her forehead on her hands with her eyes closed tightly. She whispered to herself.
“God I don’t care if your up there or not or if I would rather believe that your just some symbol that people like to throw around, listen up cause Im not going to repeat myself. I don’t like you. I probably never will. You left me hanging when I never had a chance. You brought all this misery on me when I was a child so don’t think im going to thank you for anything.”
Her hard whispers into the pew in front of her seemed harsh not letting up.
“Now the whole cancer thing. You can take that and shove it. I beat that without your help and if your going to throw your best stuff at me go for it. I don’t care. You took everything dear to me away and I hold no praise for any of your damn glory.”
She started to find her harsh tone muffled as she could feel the burn in her eyes from them tearing up.
“My baby was innocent, I was innocent once. Why me. I mean. Why cant I have a normal life. My choices may not have been the greatest ones but you put them in front of me you showed me them and half the time I had no choice but to go one way rather the other. So damn you.”
She felt her voice go horse as she cleared her throat.
“I never asked you for anything and if this is the only time Im going to talk to you then just know that when this is all over. When Im dust in the ground. You better keep in mind that with the deeds I’ve done and the things I’ve seen. I don’t blame you if I rot in hell. Im already in hell so it can’t be too much different than now can it.”
She stood, her eyes watering as she blinked the tears away. Her face stern as she was breathing quite fast as she looked across the room at the large wooden cross hanging on the wall.
“You can check me off your list, cause I wont be seeing you at those pearly gates.”
She looked down and moved out of the pew and found herself outside of the church. A part of her actually seemed rather pleased that she told off the big man with no regrets because every word of it was truth. She was delt a bad hand and she can’t blame any one other than the dealer. She straited her hoodie and took a deep breath, she felt a little better.
Moving down the sidewalk, her boots thumping on the pavement. She felt her belly growl. Reaching beside her she pulled on the bag she had on and looked at how much she had on her. Barely 23 bucks. She shook her head. Victoria didn’t know where she was going to get money. Pulling out two dollars she found her way to a store. Buying something to eat and looking rather disappointed that, that was probably going to be a problem.
Victoria sat against the school wall. Her head against the brick foundation as she looked up. Her eyes empty as she slowly closed them only to open them to the blue sky above her. The clouds seemed to drift tiredly across the sky. They felt like she felt, worn, tired. It was a matter of time before they would dissipate just like she would. For someone so young how could she feel so old.
Flopping her head downward the hood of her hoodie covering her face, she looked at the grass that she sat on. Her head filled with many memories, more bad than good. She chose to ignore them as they ate at her. She could even hear the voices of her old friends in her head. The calm tone of Kazuki as he once whispered in her ear. The confident Leon as he put forth himself to protect the school. The friendly words of Tim when she needed it most. Even the bad seemed to mock her. With the screams of her mother. The laughter of the man who slaughtered her. Violets childish giggles. Kvist’s un-daunting threats. Those voices roaming in her mind as she sat there alone.
Tightly closing her eyes she would try to shut them out. How she pleaded with her own mind to just forget everything. But she couldn’t and that was why she was there. She hated herself for caring. For having any hope of rekindling any relationship. The hope that she herself would try to snuff out. She could handle knowing that she was not the same person anymore that she was not the old Victoria but deep inside her she knew that she just had to know that things turned out ok.
Opening her eyes she looked around, still quiet. Sighing slightly as she looked back to the clouds. This was one of those times she wished she would have kept her cell phone. Just wanting to know the time would have helped her not feel so bored. It felt like time simply was stuck and she would be sitting there forever. And as if on cue her ears perked to the sounds of bells in the distance.
Must be a church near by, she thought to herself as she rose to her feet. If anything it had to be close to noon and school was still in for a couple more hours. She had nothing better to do, so she decided to explore. Listening to the light chimes of the bells in the distance she decided to go and find the church.
Victoria was never a church person. The lord himself knew that personally, as she blamed him for her misfortune with her parents. The rest, well the rest of the bad things were her fault and couldn’t really blame anyone on that but herself. Dusting the grass and dirt off her pants she started walking, looking in the distance towards the direction of the chiming bells, narrowing the area down just in time for the bell to echo in the distance and dim off. She walked.
It seemed pretty busy in the day time. Taxi's and cars rushing on the roads. People screaming, chattering everywhere as they went on with their daily life. It wouldn’t take Victoria long to come across the large church whose bells stood still. Looking at the large wooden doors she contemplated on whether to go in or not. Maybe a little prayer was all she needed. At least to make it through her trip without breaking down.
Walking into the church. It seemed rather empty as she looked around. The large room dim with what little light shining through the painted glass. Its seemed rather breathtaking when the hues of red, yellow and other various colors seemed to bounce around. Victoria never seemed so out of place than she did right now.
Deciding to take a seat in the back pew she again looked around and saw no one. Making note that this was the best time as any she put her hands on the pew in front of her and placed her forehead on her hands with her eyes closed tightly. She whispered to herself.
“God I don’t care if your up there or not or if I would rather believe that your just some symbol that people like to throw around, listen up cause Im not going to repeat myself. I don’t like you. I probably never will. You left me hanging when I never had a chance. You brought all this misery on me when I was a child so don’t think im going to thank you for anything.”
Her hard whispers into the pew in front of her seemed harsh not letting up.
“Now the whole cancer thing. You can take that and shove it. I beat that without your help and if your going to throw your best stuff at me go for it. I don’t care. You took everything dear to me away and I hold no praise for any of your damn glory.”
She started to find her harsh tone muffled as she could feel the burn in her eyes from them tearing up.
“My baby was innocent, I was innocent once. Why me. I mean. Why cant I have a normal life. My choices may not have been the greatest ones but you put them in front of me you showed me them and half the time I had no choice but to go one way rather the other. So damn you.”
She felt her voice go horse as she cleared her throat.
“I never asked you for anything and if this is the only time Im going to talk to you then just know that when this is all over. When Im dust in the ground. You better keep in mind that with the deeds I’ve done and the things I’ve seen. I don’t blame you if I rot in hell. Im already in hell so it can’t be too much different than now can it.”
She stood, her eyes watering as she blinked the tears away. Her face stern as she was breathing quite fast as she looked across the room at the large wooden cross hanging on the wall.
“You can check me off your list, cause I wont be seeing you at those pearly gates.”
She looked down and moved out of the pew and found herself outside of the church. A part of her actually seemed rather pleased that she told off the big man with no regrets because every word of it was truth. She was delt a bad hand and she can’t blame any one other than the dealer. She straited her hoodie and took a deep breath, she felt a little better.
Moving down the sidewalk, her boots thumping on the pavement. She felt her belly growl. Reaching beside her she pulled on the bag she had on and looked at how much she had on her. Barely 23 bucks. She shook her head. Victoria didn’t know where she was going to get money. Pulling out two dollars she found her way to a store. Buying something to eat and looking rather disappointed that, that was probably going to be a problem.
