Another Loss... Another Failure...

[Pain Killer]

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 7:45 am xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The sound of an alarm clock's shrill warning woke Adam from a relatively peaceful sleep. Of course, it wasn't his own, but rather, his roommate's, who would then proceed to get himself ready for another day at school. The self-proclaimed Pain Killer, however, felt no such desire to show up on this particular day, mainly due to the attention that he perceived would be directed towards himself upon arriving.

They know I lost. Again.

After all the trash talking he had done before the tournament, he'd been eliminated in the first round. Frowning, he sat up in his bed, peeling the old tape off of his fingers and experimentally tapping them against the bed, only to be rewarded with a stabbing pain. He heard the door close as Kyukaku left, signalling that it was now safe for Adam to start getting ready. He didn't want to talk to his roommate, as he was in no mood to put up with the kid's sickeningly positive views. He had no true concept of honour or pride, not to the extent or perspective that Pain Killer had.

Sighing, he began to tape his sprained fingers together, following through with his usual routine of getting ready for the day, though he had no real destination in mind for himself. All he knew was he couldn't stay in the dorm.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 10:57 pm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The sun had long since gone down, leaving the youngest living Rydell boy shrouded in darkness as he sat in the middle of a bench, alone in the park. The only company he had was his thoughts, and given recent circumstances, they weren't being of much help to lift him out of the sour mood he'd found himself in. Ever since coming to San Francisco, things had gone downhill.

Darren... Kazuki... Stern... hell, even that older guy. I can't beat any of them.

After that thought, Adam realized that his failures extended even further than he had first imagined, spilling back to before the transfer from Varron. It was some sort of losing streak he couldn't escape, repeated losses that while before hadn't bothered him, now were tearing at his mind, threatening his very sanity. He'd even had two chances at Kazuki since arriving at San Francisco, and had failed both times, the most recent memory coming to mind.

Adam stood at the opposite corner from Taiku, his body aching from the battle they'd just been through. His eyes focussed on the blood running down Kazuki's face, causing a lopsided smirk to arise on his own lips. Finally, he'd done it. He'd managed to avenge his previous losses at the hands of the older man, something that had been a goal of his for months upon months. Now, it was all up to the judges to see his victory, and award him what was rightfully his.

They didn't.

The Senior student folded his arms and scowled, ignoring the pain in his hand, his anger blocking out everything but the fact that he'd lost. Again. He pulled himself up to stand at his full height, attempting to hide the pain he felt as he stared at the apparent victor of this battle.

"I may not be able to finish you today, but rest assured. Next time, I'll be the one standing tall as you're face down in the dirt."

Of course, such confidence had quickly faded after the adrenaline had worn off. A drop of water falling on Pain Killer's nose brought him out of his reminiscing, his eyes glancing upwards as it was soon followed by a second and third drop, eventually becoming a full fledged rainfall. It didn't take long for Pain Killer to be soaked, his body barely moving except for his head, which tilted back in order to allow the rain to hit his face instead of the top of his head. Despite this, the rain did nothing to soothe his mind.

If I can't defeat anyone, I have no purpose. I can't save Mya, I can't help Stern, all I'll do is fail again and again.

"Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm not who I think I am."

His head tilted forwards once more, allowing the soaked hair to fall in front of his face once more. He'd taken the opposite route to what most abandoned children had, believing himself to be destined for greatness, rather than believing himself to be worth nothing. Yet, it seemed that with everything he'd done, there was nothing that set him apart from everyone else. Nothing except his lack of social skills. His eyes closed, too tired to fight against the fatigue at the moment, the fight long gone from within.

"With no purpose... there's no point in living."

With no desire to bring himself back to his dorm, or to do much of anything, Adam stayed seated on the bench. In the end, it didn't matter. Nothing truly did, in the end.

[Kazuki Akimoto]

ooc: Because I figured I'd drop in, since I was in the area....If you'd rather I didn't, say so. The 'Between Rounds' thread I posted explains that Taiku ended up bailing out at Kiras room.

ic:

Leaving the dorm complex in a fog had been a sporadic memory at best for him as he slowly paced through the grounds of the tall buildings...If he gave Hircine credit for anything, they put the students up in pretty decent digs for free housing. However, he'd something else suddenly reaching his mind at the moment as he walked, the chill of the shower catching him off guard a moment.

'Is that....Adam?'

He was walking from a blind enough angle to remain out of Adams eyeshot for the time being, but the larger youth was much more distinct than he was, sitting on the bench. Considering their...Frequent encounters, to put it mildly, Taiku was very sharp to notice the young man, and as he walked with soft, quiet steps across the wet concrete, his sneakers giving a hint of extra stealth to his motions thanks to the soft soles, he caught on a few of the young mans words as he passed him.

At least, he would have passed him had he not been struck almost dumb by the very words that left the fighters lips.

'Not who you think you are...?'

With a split decision to either leave him to his own devices, he very nearly set off once again. There was no point in speaking up, he doubted that Adam would view it as anything more than his face being rubbed into his loss...With his uninjured arm slipping into his pocket, he took another step away before the next few mumbled words...Even with the soft pattering of the rain around the two, they were coherent enough, and powerful enough to stop Taiku in his tracks, to make him walk around the bench and stop at the side of it. He kept his distance as he spoke, but it was admittedly for his own safety more than anything right now.

"You have all that strength, yet you lose a few fights and think that the world's ending? What the hell is wrong with you!?"

Regardless of an answer from the seated youth, he took a few more steps to stand moreso in front of him as he sat, his coat loose over his shoulders as his injured arm sat carefully against his ribs, staying in place as much as he could.

"I'll be fucking blunt with you, kid. How I won last night, I couldn't tell you. I really couldn't. I've not had a fight that put me through so much in a very long time, and the person responsible for this...", his free arm gestured to the shoulder, the cut under his eye, not to mention the various bruises that had raised up slightly overnight, "Decides to sit on a bench and mope? FUCK the tournament decision. If that fight had continued, it would be you in the next round, not me. If you're really so dumb as to not know that, then perhaps you really aren't what you think you are."

A few tendrils of hair clinging to his face, he swept them away with the tips of his fingers as he glared down at Adam, surprising himself at the admissions he gave. If at all humanly possible, Taiku would rather get involved with Rocco than admit defeat, but he couldn't deny that the fight yesterday had very nearly been one that would have put him out of the game for good. His shoulder was in pain, numb thanks to the very cool painkillers Kira had slung at him the night before, and again this morning, but painful nonetheless. He didn't want to remember how it felt before the pills kicked in.

"Forgive me if I seem like I'm trying to psycho-analyse you, but damned if you don't need someone to hit you over the back of the head with a chair right now. You said you had no purpose, I know that feeling, to have no idea where you stood. It's hell, yes, but for the love of Christ, sit here and ponder the end of the universe? I'd expect you gunning me to take me down one last time, just like you said last night. What happened to all of that, hm?"

[Pain Killer]

Pain Killer's eyes remained closed, though he could still recognize the voice that rang out from the darkness around him. He didn't need his vision to tell who it was, given the sheer number of times the two men had run into each other lately, but at the moment, he couldn't tell if it was real or in his mind. As such, he gave no outward response, though his eyes opened, glancing up in front of him to confirm that it was, indeed, a living person speaking to him. At the sight of Taiku pointing out his injuries, Adam merely looked on, disinterested, before dropping his gaze to the ground seperating the two from each other. He took no pride in the fight, as the end result was what mattered most.

"It's not the journey that counts, but the destination."

The words were mumbled, falling out from his lips just moments before Taiku continued. After he was finished, Adam said nothing in response, simply sitting in silence as the words sunk in. He could feel the tape on his fingers beginning to slide off, the glue running due to the rain, slipping off his ungloved hand. His left hand, however, was still garbed in his trademark black fingerless glove, the same that he'd worn since battling Trent. Normally, he'd feel awkward at having his hand exposed, but it seemed his apathy was spreading to more than just his desire to fight. After a few more moments, Pain Killer finally began to respond, as if the wait had been to consider his words more carefully before answering.

"There's no reason to fight you anymore. I've had my fight for revenge, and I failed. There's no reason to think another battle will turn out any differently. Not that it matters. I've lost my purpose."

His eyes stung slightly, forcing Adam to blink rapidly for a moment. It never occured to him that it may have been a physical reaction to his feelings, instead, he simply believed it to be something getting in his eyes. As fast as it had come, it was gone, Pain Killer's eyes returning to the half-open slits they had been before.

"You don't understand, Kazuki. Fighting is... was, all that I'm good for. It's not just a way of life, it is my life. Without it, I'm nothing."

There was no joking around as was seen before the tournament round, no good-natured ribbing. Instead, it was almost as if Pain Killer had no emotion as he spoke, simply stating everything as mere fact, as if the very life had been sucked out of him. He looked up towards Taiku, still expressionless.

"What would happen if you were to lose your skill? You'd fall back on your business strengths, your intelligence, your friends... someone close to you. Any number of things. I don't have those. Being able to take a punch and throw a punch, that's all I could ever do that set me apart from most. But it's not enough."

Slowly, his head sunk back downwards, his gaze dropping to the ground once more.

"They're both gone. Leaving me here alone... I don't care anymore. I'll never fight again."

[Kazuki Akimoto]

"Then you really have proven yourself to be just like every other little two-bit hack. I respected you as a person because you fought for something other than yourself, because you had a damned reason to take and throw every single hit. Yet here you are, and you expect that you deserve to be called 'Pain Killer'? You don't even have the right to it in the state you're in...."

His words were growing more and more callous as he spoke, but it wasn't a ploy to use reverse psychology. Taiku had no patience to use such a tactic. Everything he was saying was being said with more than a pinch of anger and disgust in his voice.

"Yes, when I lose my ability to fight, I have things to fall back on. Because I beat myself into the ground for every damned thing I have. I was just like you when I arrived in Varron, just another fighter, nothing more...Still grasping English, had about ten bucks in my pocket and a bank account that was dwindling to nothing. The only thing I really knew how to do? Fight. That was it, I could throw a punch and a kick, and that was the extent of my skill. I struck it lucky. Everything I have was the result of a damned fluke. I met the right people and started earning money, I found a place to live and built everything up. I'm damned thankful for everything I have, but I remember how hard it was to get there with every scar I carry..."

He sighed, the small verbal outburst dwindling off before he walked to the free space on the bench, sitting down. He wasn't going to ask for permission, but regardless of it, with the seated man as he was now it was unlikely he'd do anything but pass a glance. Leaning back against the wood gingerly, careful not to put too much pressure on his muscles, he spoke again, much quieter than before and with a more nonchalant tone.

"I know you'll think it's just some garbage, but I know how this feels for you. Not for the exact same reasons, but I know how it feels. It's like you're hollow, there's this void in you that doesn't seem to go away. You filled yours with fighting, with getting stronger, mine....I filled with other things."

Gliding past any further revelation on his own part, still not comfortable to talk about Victorias miscarriage to anyone else, he pressed on with the ambiguity he laid out.

"I'll tell you this in the hopes that if you believe anything I tell you right now, this is the one thing you keep to mind. This feeling you've got right now? It doesn't go away on it's own. It'll keep growing until it consumes you. Whatever you think about yourself, there's still one person out there who needs you to keep fighting, or are you just going to give up and let him win, will you let her die?"

He paused briefly, his eyes watching Adam carefully as he broached what he was sure would be a touchy subject, even now, for the young man. Pressing on regardless, he cleared his throat with a slow cough as he continued.

"You told me back in Legion that day that you needed to get better, or one of the most important people in your life would be gone. Just because you lose a fight doesn't mean you didn't get better. People learn from their mistakes, they improve themselves and become stronger. I mean, hell, you learned from our second fight that I'll aim to take a person out quickly, that their weaknesses become my targets, and you successfully used them to bait me. To me, Adam, you were a far more difficult opponent last night than you were before in the club because of that one, tiny change. Like I said, if it was just a fight, one on one with nothing else, you would have won that match. Whether you like it or not, I assure you that once I'm healthy I'll be coming after you to see if I can prove my thoughts wrong...."

[Pain Killer]

OOC: Sorry this took so long, it's my busy season of the year.

IC:

There was little motion from Adam as Taiku spoke, not even when the older man sat next to him on the bench. It was only at the mention of his sister did Adam react, though not suddenly or explosively as might have been expected. Instead, he slowly hunched forwards, his elbows resting on his knees, his fingers sliding underneath his bangs as the palms covered up his eyes. There was no guarantee that he could get Mya back, no guarantee that he could truly do anything.

Then again, there aren't any real guarantees in life, are there?

He pulled back from his hands, listening to the rest of what Taiku had to say. He knew he'd injured the older man, but the fact that Taiku believed he would have won that fight eventually was a welcome shock to the self-proclaimed Pain Killer.

"You... really think so?"

The fact that Taiku had said as much was proof enough, though Adam felt the need to ask regardless. After his response, Adam would lean back, looking up into the rain once more, his eyes remaining open despite the drops that occasionally struck. Kazuki made a lot of sense, the more Pain Killer thought about it, as he'd certainly improved from when he had first come to Varron. Perhaps Trent hadn't done the same, giving Pain Killer the advantage. Well, there's always a chance, I guess. His head tilted back down, his sight centred on Taiku from the corner of his eye.

"You're probably right. I can't just do nothing and expect it to solve itself."

With a sigh of effort, Adam stood up from the bench, as much from the fact that he needed to stretch his legs, as well as his discomfort in being close to people. He stepped a few paces from the bench, before turning about, a thought that had been nagging at him finally demanding to be set free.

"What made you change? From Kazuki the lone wolf, to Taiku the popular businessman?"

With his left hand stashed in his pocket, Adam awaited the older man's answer, curious as to whether he would get this insight into the former gang leader's life.

[Kazuki Akimoto]

"Without a doubt. Believe me, it pains my own pride to admit it, but in a straight fight you would have beaten me....At least, that's what I think. Like I said, I'll be eager to find out if that is indeed the case..."

He leaned back and closed his eyes, the few spatters of rain that were still landing striking coolly on his face and trickling into the grooves of his eyelids. The water chilled his face and relaxed him somewhat, and he gave but the smallest of assenting nods when Adam seemed to have a brief mental reprieve, 'forgiving' himself, as it were, for losing the fight before.

But then a question was put to him, a question that, in his time in Varron and now here in San Francisco, only two people had ever asked him, be it as a result of simple ignorance to the matter, or fear of finding the answer, but hearing it was enough for his eyes to open very suddenly...

'Well, that's a fucking good question, Adam...'

Tilting his head forward at the question, he gave a very short smile before he shuffled to one end of the bench, gesturing for Adam to sit. It wasn't a short answer by means, and the younger man would be best to at least sit if he so wished at some point. He was partly aware of his dislike for crowds and people as a whole, and he could admit to being somewhat similar. He just....put up a facade, for want of a better word. His business depended on his presence, and as such, personal sacrifices needed to be made.

"Y'know, you're the first person to ever actually ask that question...Simply put, I did some horrible things back in Japan. I didn't believe I deserved respite for them, but at the same time didn't feel guilty for what I did. Like you, people close to me were taken by others, simply out of their own personal spite. I admit that I was much more savage in my methods, but I'd rather skip the details. However, in doing what I did, I had to leave. I ended up here, and that same feeling lingered in me for a long time. I hated people, I loathed the very concept of what had happened and it drove me into a deep hole..."

Sighing, he brought one of his knees up against his stomach loosely, his heel catching the wood and balancing roughly on the edge of the seat as he leaned forward into the limb...

"The funny thing is, when you're driven by that kind of self-loathing it's surprising what a person will do. I suppose the thing that managed to make me change...Well, you don't get to laugh or scoff at it being a cliche, alright?"

He chuckled quietly at the remark to himself before he pressed on, "For me, it was realising that over the last few years, there's more to my life than living in my past. I'm seen as 'Taiku the businessman' because it makes things easier. I've done my fighting and I'm at peace with myself, as much as I can be anyway. If it's at all possible, I want to start living my life in peace, with the people I care about around me and the girl I love beside me...."

His own head lowered slightly as he shifted, sitting forward a moment as the complacency took him.

"Listen to me, I talk like an old man and I'm barely a few years your senior..."

[Pain Killer]

With a short shake of the head, Pain Killer declined the offer to sit down on the bench. After all, one more reason had been added to the list as to why he was standing, and that was the fact that he had just gotten off the bench; he'd look foolish to simply sit right back down. Instead, he stood and listened, nodding when necessary to show he was still paying attention. While Adam had first thought the two were similiar, he could see where they'd differed, now. He gave a soft smirk as Taiku's tale ended, closing his eyes as he spoke.

"I guess I wasn't far off the mark, callin' you an old man and all."

He was skirting the real issue at hand, though it was a futile attempt. Even with Pain Killer's less than stellar intelligence, he knew he couldn't just say nothing after Kazuki had "spilled the beans", as it were. His eyes opened, his smirk fading as he spoke again.

"I think I understand what you mean. You took a good route, I think. Recognizing what needed to be changed within yourself, or at least, what needed to be less apparent on the outside. Though, you have to admit, for a guy who's looking for peace, you still seem to like to fight."

A small laugh escaped him, one that was actually genuine. Perhaps he'd been wrong in his first impression, the man in front of him wasn't quite as... soft, as he'd expected. At first, Adam had believed Taiku to be the type to hide behind his money, refusing to dirty his hands when the time came for it, and instead passing it off to others that worked for him. The more the two interacted, however, the more he believed this to not be the case. He took a step back, half turning his body away from Taiku before looking back at the man again.

"You know... maybe your way isn't so bad. Don't get me wrong, I don't want or need friends. But at least, I don't need to make anymore enemies either."

He brought his right hand up near his temple, giving a small two fingered wave/salute-like gesture, signalling he was actually leaving this time. He turned away from Taiku, walking down the path to head back to his dorm, where hopefully he wouldn't run into his overactive roomie. Even so, he couldn't resist having one last thing to say as he walked away from the former gang leader.

"You tell anyone about what happened tonight, and I'll kill you."

With the barest of smiles touching his lips, Adam strode down the path, not bothering to respond should Taiku feel it appropriate to answer. And... thanks. Even though he couldn't say the words out loud, the fact he still thought them was gratitude enough.

[Kazuki Akimoto]

ooc: Sorry, both late and short. >.>

ic:

His shoulders raised and fell with a slow sigh, his head shaking at the young mans remark before he replied again, chuckling. It was true, for all his love of peace, for his desire to no longer have to fight, there was a part of him so driven by the thrill of it...

"I can't help it, deep within, there's still a fighter who hasn't seen his last match yet. Besides, I know that it'll be a long time yet before I can step out of the light and just be left in peace."

The words struck him hard every time he said them, and he knew it well. That want of peace, that desire for a quiet life with the people closest to him, whilst there was nothing that said he couldn't have them, he would likely have to fight to protect it at every opportunity. There was a theory that if a person wished for something for long enough, so long that they almost lost hope, even if they were to have that wish granted they would never be able to enjoy what they had hoped for, for fear of it being taken away once again.

His eyes flicked back up as Adam turned away, speaking as he headed off. Nodding to unseeing eyes, he gave a small smile at the remark before he stifled a short chuckle at the young mans last words.

"Same goes for you..."

As he left, Taiku pushed himself to his feet with a grunt, sighing to himself as he shook his head quietly. He still had some things to deal with, and he couldn't afford to sit around much longer. Setting off, he took a quick glance over his shoulder in the direction Adam had left, a brief smirk reaching his lips.

'You'll find her yet...'