paranoia EXTREME

[Valencia Donahue]

I hate the sound of whispering.
Too many times, it sounds like “she [this], she [that], she...”
Too many times, I think it's about me
I try to ignore it, but I find myself hearing every word from across the rooms
Even words that aren't there
The more I look away, the more I hear it. 10 volume notches.
Should I steal a glance, the whispering is louder. 30 volume notches.

It's all in my head.
I know it has to be.
I'm not hearing with my ears.

A dull pain builds up where my neck connects to my skull
Are they talking about the way I sit?
The way I talk? The way I walk?
The things I wear? The things I do?
The people I hang out with? The people I don't?
I WANT to know what they're talking about, just to get it out of my head
I don't care if it's not actually about me,
As long as I open Pandora's Box and find some kind of hope at the very bottom.

If I knew my faults, I'd fix them.
I know plenty of them already, but they're obviously unfixed.
Can't anyone else obviously see that they're pantomiming my actions?
They're laughing amongst themselves and I can't concentrate.

The teacher finally scolds them and they sit still.
They're thinking about me now.
Now I don't know what they're thinking about.
They know that I'm thinking about them.

Their squirreling around was “worth” me looking their way.
They're smirking in my general direction.
I don't think so. I just want them to leave me the hell alone.
I want to disappear and not be noticed.

I later ask if anyone else noticed anything and they saw nothing
It's all in my head
Or, it really is happening, but they're not telling me just to be “nice”
They're lying. I know they are.
But I shouldn't think they are lying because they are my friends
Or are they?

I shouldn't be thinking like this.
I really want help
So I can stop thinking too much.

[J.T.]

Wow. A gripping retelling of a sensation we all feel from time to time. Very well done, a great read. Good enough even to pull me out of extreme lurk mode for a moment.

[Zeniro]

Get out of my head!!

I liked it. I enjoyed the constant build up of inner tension, particukarly through the constant questioning of the subjects sanity. I even smiled at the part where the subject starts to question their faith in their friends, it really was a well thought out piece of writting.

Wonderful stuff.