Post by victor on Oct 18, 2007 5:31:38 GMT 1
I notice most of the artsy stuff is done by the higher ups here, so I don't know if anybody will bother with this. Still, I want to put this up here. This is only the first few entries. There might be more later.
Some of these poems may seem a bit morbid, some may not. I don't know. These are my feelings written down, coupled with my organized and disorganized thoughts.
Eternal Hatred, Eternal Pain
You were everything thing to me
I would have died for you
We never met in person but
You loved me, and I you
Although we didn't know it yet
Our lives were filled with strife
We both gave each other purpose
Purpose in a secretly terrible life
We came to know each other
Quickly becoming best friends
Much later I earned in you a lover
We swore to stay together to the end
The gift I sent you for Christmas
The bokken you sent me
My gift pretty and stuffed with fluff
Yours carved from a cedar tree
We even exchanged pictures
How pretty you were!
You said how handsome I was
I was happy as ever
We shared secrets with each other
Secrets about our pasts
My mental state was questionable
You were a tomboy outcast
These relationships don't last long
At least that's what they say
Ours lasted over three years
Alright! Hooray!
Those were beautiful days
She was my Annabel Lee
We swore to protect each other
It worked out beautifully!
And then...
All was horror...
And I came upon a terrible revelation...
More secrets were told
Secrets I prayed were lies
Secrets of your family and school history
Things that others justified
"How long" I asked
My heartbeat could be heard
You said "Since I was born"
And no one saw or heard
As time went on
You told me more and more
Of what kept happening to you
Behind home and school doors
I was too far away to help
Yet I would love you still
But a horrible anger was building in me
And a disorganized urge to kill
How could this go unseen?
Didn't people care?
Or did they also see her as unclean?
Or just not want to stare?
I suffered so much
I became physically ill
Muscle aches, headaches, and such
I suffered more still
Then came the aggression
The worst of it all
It took therapy, meds, and some suppression
To quell the deadly squall
I tried to help, but you said no
You said you deserved it
You said it's "God's Will" and so,
You must suffer through it
I could not believe it
I was aghast
How could you enjoy these years of pain?
Was this the end at last?
Over the last few weeks, I tried
I tried with all my might
You feared "For my soul", and cried
And then... the final fight
For the first time, I shouted at you
I said "I give up!"
"You want to suffer? Then do!"
And hung up...
I sank into a depression
Nothing mattered anymore
My demeanor underwent regression
To what it was before
I couldn't work at school
I just wanted to sleep
There, you don't need to act cool
You just need to dream deep
In my mind, cold anger bubbled
I had to interfere
This had gone on long enough
She would no longer fear
One night when the house was sleeping
I stayed awake at night
Down the hall I went on creeping
Turning on the downstairs light
Now in the basement, I had the phone
I felt strangely at peace
I dialed the number I desired
The address on a paper piece
I had a feeling of the price we would pay
I loved her, but it was not to be...
My mind was cold, calculating, and set in it's way
And there was nothing left for me...
The phone rang and the voice answered
The voice of a person I hated
This person had hurt my dearest
She was going to be baited
I told her of what I knew
All the secrets, all of it
I warned her that others knew
And the police would know of it
I taunted her, I gave out the address
I reveled in her rage
I told her this was the end of the mess
If she did this again, she would rot in a cage
Finally, I hung up
I was panting like a dog
I had done it! She was safe!
I slept like a log
And then...
Dear God in Heaven...
This could not be...
Two days later, an e-mail came
I read it
I felt sick with terror, rage, and shame
I confess it
My poor love had almost been... killed...
The night of my call...
It had been a conscious attempt...
A vicious home brawl...
She had been screaming
But nobody had listened
She was plagued by troubled dreaming,
That night where she didn't make it in time
She showed up at school the next day
Her face and body were...
Purple, swollen, and covered in bruises
Nobody said a word...
One week later, another e-mail came
She said her life had become a living Hell
The person said "This is what you get for talking!"
She said she smiled and said "God is my protective shell."
Another week later, and the end came
The last e-mail arrived
It was not from her, but from a relation
I hoped she hadn't died
She hadn't, but it was... bad
She was in a broken state of mind
My poor love had finally been broken
And taken to a hospital for the mind
There was one last sentence at the bottom
I felt a premonition of fear
It read in capital letters:
"DON'T INTERFERE"
That was a year and a half ago...
I haven't made contact since...
I sit in my room clutching the bokken
I weep silent tears into the blade
I know you are out now
But you will be lost in the shade
My heart is broken in pieces
As I know I can't help you
I sob, longing for your kisses
Knowing I can't save you
My mind burns with hatred
Nobody will notice what goes on
I want to hurt them, KILL them
For hurting you and what they have done
But if I do,
I will be caught
They would go free
I am distraught
I begin to sob harder
The bokken trembles in my hand
I cannot stop crying
I can't, even though I tell myself I can
I've doomed us both, my love
I'm sorry
It shouldn't be this way, my love
I'm sorry
We are damned, my love
You and I
I cannot save you anymore, my love
Until we reach the sky
Yet something tells me
Strangely enough
As strange as it may be
It sounds so tough
To say...
We are still together...
In Hell...
Our own private Hells...
THE END
The next two are just Haikus. One is about me (my real self, not my character), and the next about Sedrix West, my sparring partner and budding friend.
Me
A young, eccentric man
Determined to find his path
Budding chef and psychologist
Sedrix West
A handsome, muscular boy
A fierce warrior in combat
Has a kind heart
The first poem is about my long distance girlfriend. I won't go into the long details of how we met and how we fell in love, only that we loved each other dearly and had plans to meet in person after exchanging pictures. Eventually we stopped talking online and started talking on the phone (yes, she had a beautiful voice). Well, late in our relationship... God this is hard...
She told me about her family life...
She had grown up being abused by her father, physically and emotionally. What scared me was that her father wasn't on alcohol or drugs or anything, nor was he unhappy or depressed. He was simply a clinically diagnosed sociopath (my girlfriend told me her father, when he was a child, had a history of torturing animals and setting fires in trashcans and buildings). Her mother never noticed this until she was nine, upon which she threw him out of the house and he never came back.
After that, things didn't improve. Her mother started abusing her for no reason, physically and emotionally, sometimes not remembering what she had done. This continued right up to the day I left my girlfriend (I never knew until she told me). Also, because my girlfriend was a tomboy and proud of it (I admired this), her grandparents disowned her and her mother, adding to her fury.
Her school life from elementary on was no better. My girlfriend has had no friends and has been constantly mocked, jeered at, and even beaten by classmates for no reason. She has gone to teachers and counselors in the past, but they have called her a liar and done nothing. Has she done anything to earn this? No. You ever seen anyone whom other kids have picked on just because they exude an "aura" that other people dislike? I'm sure you have... My girlfriend had that... The fact she was a tomboy also led others to beat her up, claiming she was a lesbian...
When she finally got to high school, she finally got some friends, but almost everybody-family and schoolmates alike-looked down on her because she had different tastes and was a tomboy. All of these years abuse with no therapy or help along with the fact nobody has noticed or said anything has left her with barely any self esteem, if any at all, as well as very withdrawn.
The ending was a vigilante act on my part. I called up her mother on her cellphone (I had the number in my mother's e-mail) and threatened to inform the police of what my girlfriend had told me of what she had done. I also promised her that I would tell other people my girlfriend knew (I mentioned direct names) and that if they didn't believe me, they would tell. I then gave the name of their home address (she had given me this too so I could send a Christmas gift). I don't think I need to describe how she reacted when I told her this. Can I say how much I enjoyed hearing her writhe like a worm like a hook? Yes, that is disorganized, horrible, and sadistic, but God forgive me, it felt right. I hoped it would scare her into never touching my girlfriend again.
Too bad...
I soon got the e-mail from my girlfriend. She was terrified and close to broken. When her mother had gotten home the night I had made that call, she had gone completely berserk. She had slammed the door and roared "YOUR FUCKING DEAD!!!" Before my girlfriend knew what was happening, she said her mother had grabbed her by the THROAT and was repeatedly punching her in the face over and over again. When she got tired of that, she ripped off my girlfriend's shirt and screamed "FAG'S WILL DIE!!!" and repeatedly punched her in the stomach, then kicked her to the ground. Finally, she rushed to the kitchen, got a butcher's knife, and rushed at my girlfriend, saying she would make sure my girlfriend wouldn't tell anybody else. Sure, my girlfriend was badly hurt, but when she saw the knife, she ran up to her room and locked the door. She said her mother was standing outside of her room for most of the night roaring and stabbing into her door with the knife, saying she was going to kill her. Somehow, she had fallen asleep (my girlfriend I mean).
The next morning, my girlfriend came downstairs. Her mother was downstairs eating breakfast. She didn't remember what had happened last night. My girlfriend wouldn't talk about it. At school, nobody talked about it. They just wouldn't say anything. What do you expect in California? It's safer to mind your own business in places like that, isn't it? Oh yeah, I'M BEING SARCASTIC!!!
My girlfriends life became a living Hell after that. The abuse became too severe, too constant. And still, nobody noticed or said a word. She didn't complain or tell anyone. God's freakin' will. And finally... she broke down... And had to go away...
And she will never be free. She is still in this situation and always will be. By the time she graduates high school... I don't know what she will be like... Dear God, nobody sees this... they CHOOSE not to notice it...
And that... Is the tragic story of my romance. I know it sounds hard to believe, but it did happen. You have no idea how much pain this has caused me for a year and a half. I had to be hospitalized once for a breakdown due to this...
As for the last few lines of the poem, those are pretty disorganized. I guess even though I acted impulsively and screwed up my life and my girlfriend's, our spirits will still be entwined, forever writhing in our own Hell. I truly believe that.
I'm sorry for the lengthy explanation, but it was necessary. You may criticize me for it, but try to be nice about it, okay? It's a very sensitive subject for me and I still love her very much.
More to come...
Some of these poems may seem a bit morbid, some may not. I don't know. These are my feelings written down, coupled with my organized and disorganized thoughts.
Eternal Hatred, Eternal Pain
You were everything thing to me
I would have died for you
We never met in person but
You loved me, and I you
Although we didn't know it yet
Our lives were filled with strife
We both gave each other purpose
Purpose in a secretly terrible life
We came to know each other
Quickly becoming best friends
Much later I earned in you a lover
We swore to stay together to the end
The gift I sent you for Christmas
The bokken you sent me
My gift pretty and stuffed with fluff
Yours carved from a cedar tree
We even exchanged pictures
How pretty you were!
You said how handsome I was
I was happy as ever
We shared secrets with each other
Secrets about our pasts
My mental state was questionable
You were a tomboy outcast
These relationships don't last long
At least that's what they say
Ours lasted over three years
Alright! Hooray!
Those were beautiful days
She was my Annabel Lee
We swore to protect each other
It worked out beautifully!
And then...
All was horror...
And I came upon a terrible revelation...
More secrets were told
Secrets I prayed were lies
Secrets of your family and school history
Things that others justified
"How long" I asked
My heartbeat could be heard
You said "Since I was born"
And no one saw or heard
As time went on
You told me more and more
Of what kept happening to you
Behind home and school doors
I was too far away to help
Yet I would love you still
But a horrible anger was building in me
And a disorganized urge to kill
How could this go unseen?
Didn't people care?
Or did they also see her as unclean?
Or just not want to stare?
I suffered so much
I became physically ill
Muscle aches, headaches, and such
I suffered more still
Then came the aggression
The worst of it all
It took therapy, meds, and some suppression
To quell the deadly squall
I tried to help, but you said no
You said you deserved it
You said it's "God's Will" and so,
You must suffer through it
I could not believe it
I was aghast
How could you enjoy these years of pain?
Was this the end at last?
Over the last few weeks, I tried
I tried with all my might
You feared "For my soul", and cried
And then... the final fight
For the first time, I shouted at you
I said "I give up!"
"You want to suffer? Then do!"
And hung up...
I sank into a depression
Nothing mattered anymore
My demeanor underwent regression
To what it was before
I couldn't work at school
I just wanted to sleep
There, you don't need to act cool
You just need to dream deep
In my mind, cold anger bubbled
I had to interfere
This had gone on long enough
She would no longer fear
One night when the house was sleeping
I stayed awake at night
Down the hall I went on creeping
Turning on the downstairs light
Now in the basement, I had the phone
I felt strangely at peace
I dialed the number I desired
The address on a paper piece
I had a feeling of the price we would pay
I loved her, but it was not to be...
My mind was cold, calculating, and set in it's way
And there was nothing left for me...
The phone rang and the voice answered
The voice of a person I hated
This person had hurt my dearest
She was going to be baited
I told her of what I knew
All the secrets, all of it
I warned her that others knew
And the police would know of it
I taunted her, I gave out the address
I reveled in her rage
I told her this was the end of the mess
If she did this again, she would rot in a cage
Finally, I hung up
I was panting like a dog
I had done it! She was safe!
I slept like a log
And then...
Dear God in Heaven...
This could not be...
Two days later, an e-mail came
I read it
I felt sick with terror, rage, and shame
I confess it
My poor love had almost been... killed...
The night of my call...
It had been a conscious attempt...
A vicious home brawl...
She had been screaming
But nobody had listened
She was plagued by troubled dreaming,
That night where she didn't make it in time
She showed up at school the next day
Her face and body were...
Purple, swollen, and covered in bruises
Nobody said a word...
One week later, another e-mail came
She said her life had become a living Hell
The person said "This is what you get for talking!"
She said she smiled and said "God is my protective shell."
Another week later, and the end came
The last e-mail arrived
It was not from her, but from a relation
I hoped she hadn't died
She hadn't, but it was... bad
She was in a broken state of mind
My poor love had finally been broken
And taken to a hospital for the mind
There was one last sentence at the bottom
I felt a premonition of fear
It read in capital letters:
"DON'T INTERFERE"
That was a year and a half ago...
I haven't made contact since...
I sit in my room clutching the bokken
I weep silent tears into the blade
I know you are out now
But you will be lost in the shade
My heart is broken in pieces
As I know I can't help you
I sob, longing for your kisses
Knowing I can't save you
My mind burns with hatred
Nobody will notice what goes on
I want to hurt them, KILL them
For hurting you and what they have done
But if I do,
I will be caught
They would go free
I am distraught
I begin to sob harder
The bokken trembles in my hand
I cannot stop crying
I can't, even though I tell myself I can
I've doomed us both, my love
I'm sorry
It shouldn't be this way, my love
I'm sorry
We are damned, my love
You and I
I cannot save you anymore, my love
Until we reach the sky
Yet something tells me
Strangely enough
As strange as it may be
It sounds so tough
To say...
We are still together...
In Hell...
Our own private Hells...
THE END
The next two are just Haikus. One is about me (my real self, not my character), and the next about Sedrix West, my sparring partner and budding friend.
Me
A young, eccentric man
Determined to find his path
Budding chef and psychologist
Sedrix West
A handsome, muscular boy
A fierce warrior in combat
Has a kind heart
The first poem is about my long distance girlfriend. I won't go into the long details of how we met and how we fell in love, only that we loved each other dearly and had plans to meet in person after exchanging pictures. Eventually we stopped talking online and started talking on the phone (yes, she had a beautiful voice). Well, late in our relationship... God this is hard...
She told me about her family life...
She had grown up being abused by her father, physically and emotionally. What scared me was that her father wasn't on alcohol or drugs or anything, nor was he unhappy or depressed. He was simply a clinically diagnosed sociopath (my girlfriend told me her father, when he was a child, had a history of torturing animals and setting fires in trashcans and buildings). Her mother never noticed this until she was nine, upon which she threw him out of the house and he never came back.
After that, things didn't improve. Her mother started abusing her for no reason, physically and emotionally, sometimes not remembering what she had done. This continued right up to the day I left my girlfriend (I never knew until she told me). Also, because my girlfriend was a tomboy and proud of it (I admired this), her grandparents disowned her and her mother, adding to her fury.
Her school life from elementary on was no better. My girlfriend has had no friends and has been constantly mocked, jeered at, and even beaten by classmates for no reason. She has gone to teachers and counselors in the past, but they have called her a liar and done nothing. Has she done anything to earn this? No. You ever seen anyone whom other kids have picked on just because they exude an "aura" that other people dislike? I'm sure you have... My girlfriend had that... The fact she was a tomboy also led others to beat her up, claiming she was a lesbian...
When she finally got to high school, she finally got some friends, but almost everybody-family and schoolmates alike-looked down on her because she had different tastes and was a tomboy. All of these years abuse with no therapy or help along with the fact nobody has noticed or said anything has left her with barely any self esteem, if any at all, as well as very withdrawn.
The ending was a vigilante act on my part. I called up her mother on her cellphone (I had the number in my mother's e-mail) and threatened to inform the police of what my girlfriend had told me of what she had done. I also promised her that I would tell other people my girlfriend knew (I mentioned direct names) and that if they didn't believe me, they would tell. I then gave the name of their home address (she had given me this too so I could send a Christmas gift). I don't think I need to describe how she reacted when I told her this. Can I say how much I enjoyed hearing her writhe like a worm like a hook? Yes, that is disorganized, horrible, and sadistic, but God forgive me, it felt right. I hoped it would scare her into never touching my girlfriend again.
Too bad...
I soon got the e-mail from my girlfriend. She was terrified and close to broken. When her mother had gotten home the night I had made that call, she had gone completely berserk. She had slammed the door and roared "YOUR FUCKING DEAD!!!" Before my girlfriend knew what was happening, she said her mother had grabbed her by the THROAT and was repeatedly punching her in the face over and over again. When she got tired of that, she ripped off my girlfriend's shirt and screamed "FAG'S WILL DIE!!!" and repeatedly punched her in the stomach, then kicked her to the ground. Finally, she rushed to the kitchen, got a butcher's knife, and rushed at my girlfriend, saying she would make sure my girlfriend wouldn't tell anybody else. Sure, my girlfriend was badly hurt, but when she saw the knife, she ran up to her room and locked the door. She said her mother was standing outside of her room for most of the night roaring and stabbing into her door with the knife, saying she was going to kill her. Somehow, she had fallen asleep (my girlfriend I mean).
The next morning, my girlfriend came downstairs. Her mother was downstairs eating breakfast. She didn't remember what had happened last night. My girlfriend wouldn't talk about it. At school, nobody talked about it. They just wouldn't say anything. What do you expect in California? It's safer to mind your own business in places like that, isn't it? Oh yeah, I'M BEING SARCASTIC!!!
My girlfriends life became a living Hell after that. The abuse became too severe, too constant. And still, nobody noticed or said a word. She didn't complain or tell anyone. God's freakin' will. And finally... she broke down... And had to go away...
And she will never be free. She is still in this situation and always will be. By the time she graduates high school... I don't know what she will be like... Dear God, nobody sees this... they CHOOSE not to notice it...
And that... Is the tragic story of my romance. I know it sounds hard to believe, but it did happen. You have no idea how much pain this has caused me for a year and a half. I had to be hospitalized once for a breakdown due to this...
As for the last few lines of the poem, those are pretty disorganized. I guess even though I acted impulsively and screwed up my life and my girlfriend's, our spirits will still be entwined, forever writhing in our own Hell. I truly believe that.
I'm sorry for the lengthy explanation, but it was necessary. You may criticize me for it, but try to be nice about it, okay? It's a very sensitive subject for me and I still love her very much.
More to come...
