A hammer falls

[Zeniro]

You've got yourself a problem,
I've got myself a gun.
There is no fucking use...
For you to turn and run.

You see within this barrel,
Of my fire-arm.
Is a slug coated in metal.
Intent on doing harm.

I see it in your eyes,
You want to call my bluff.
I say, "Fucking try me."
..."You'll find out soon enough."

I notice your nervous smile,
That quiver on your lips.
Do I have the guile...
So I squeeze my fingertips...

The hammer falls,
Upon the gun...
A bullet is set free.

A hammer falls,
Upon your life...
A bullet is set free.

I'm standing so close to you,
That I can taste the blood,
As it sprays across my face...
While you're falling to the mud.

I have myself a problem,
I have myself a gun.
I have myself a bullet...
I only need the one.

Cocked under my chin,
My eyes raise to the sky,
I'll go down with a grin.
Commit murder, then suicide.

A hammer falls,
Upon the gun.
A bullet is set free.

A hammer falls,
Upon my life.
And I am set free.

[Valencia Donahue]

I like how the rhythm changes slightly at some points to kill off the repetition, especially considering that this sort of rhythm combined with rhyming gives off a playful tone (sing-songy) instead of something more serious.

(Then again, the contrast alone is enough to keep me reading, what with the topic and all.)

I stopped momentarily at "While your falling to the mud." due to a homophone mix up (you're), but that's probably because I have this mild case of OCD.

Overall, I like this poem. Darkly.

[Zeniro]

(Slaps self on the wrist.)

Corrected the typo. I killed it good and proper.

[Tiao Lei Shen]

Only written work I read on here. That alone has testaments to my thoughts on your poems.

My musician friend is sitting right next to me, and he's going on about how good this poem would be for lyrics in his hard rock/metal band.

[Zeniro]

If he likes it, or anything I do. He may use it.