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Post by kruzy on Mar 23, 2007 3:07:08 GMT 1
I walk in the room seeing nothing but darkness,
feeling lonely inside with no hope to go on.
Theirs no windows or lights to help me see,
no person around to guide me my way.
Like a heart left alone inside of my chest,
with nothing being felt except for darkness.
I wander about looking around,
still seeing nothing that may be in front.
My steps are heavy pounding the floor,
slowing to a beat which matches my heart.
It comes to a hault and decides to fade,
then me collapsing down to the ground.
I cry to myself till i soon fall asleep,
dreaming the same thing as what i had done.
But somthing is different ive soon to realise,
that theirs somthing else here with me.
I feel a hand as i open my eye lids,
and see a light as my heart beats again.
I get lifted up by a familiar face,
that smiles at me with eyes of pure joy.
I smile right back and become happier now,
as the darkness gets brighter,
a window.. a light.. im okay now.
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Post by Shamino Warhen Ph.D on Mar 24, 2007 7:08:21 GMT 1
Never diss your own work right off the bat. It makes us think you just don't care, thusly, we won't either.
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Post by Director Troutman on Mar 24, 2007 7:20:45 GMT 1
Never diss your own work right off the bat. It makes us think you just don't care, thusly, we won't either. Seconded, however, it's not too bad a poem. Change the title of the thread when you put the next ones up. It'll probably encourage more people to assume you want comments. |
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Post by kruzy on Mar 27, 2007 0:42:52 GMT 1
alright... i only put that as the title because i seriously never think much of my own written work.... but thanks guys. Ill be kinder on my subject names.
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Post by charlotte on Mar 27, 2007 1:06:29 GMT 1
Everyone is thier own worst critic, just try not to let that show too much, kay?  I though it was a fairly good poem, by the way; far better than anything I could ever manage, though you may want to watch your spelling and grammar in some places, however. |
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Post by kruzy on Mar 27, 2007 3:58:41 GMT 1
Everyone is thier own worst critic, just try not to let that show too much, kay? I though it was a fairly good poem, by the way; far better than anything I could ever manage, though you may want to watch your spelling and grammar in some places, however. ya, sorry for the spelling and grammer and what not, it took me like 5 mins and i didn't feel like proof reading....lol |
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Post by Shamino Warhen Ph.D on Mar 31, 2007 15:52:39 GMT 1
so you don't like your work, and you don't proof read your work. Why do you even do this work if you seem to have zero passion for it?
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Post by kruzy on Mar 31, 2007 16:12:13 GMT 1
Just because it took me 5 mins who said i don't have a passion and or like my work? i just don't proof read poetry, and since i didn't proof read i said it sucked.... ive won two contest for poetry before, but i heven't written in over a year.
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Post by akira on Mar 31, 2007 17:26:05 GMT 1
Topic: Poem.. sucks... but it's here...
saying that basicaly means you dont give a shit about your work
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Dante Williams
Dreamer
MISSING IN ACTION
Self-Proclaimed Baby of Hircine
Posts: 401
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Post by Dante Williams on Mar 31, 2007 17:28:02 GMT 1
Topic: Poem.. sucks... but it's here... saying that basicaly means you dont give a shit about your work Okay, we all get it. We think that he isn't very enthusiastic about his poems. It's only been repeated about five or six times... But this is an awesome poem Kruzy! ;D |
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Post by kruzy on Apr 1, 2007 16:38:51 GMT 1
Topic: Poem.. sucks... but it's here... saying that basicaly means you dont give a shit about your work Okay, we all get it. We think that he isn't very enthusiastic about his poems. It's only been repeated about five or six times... But this is an awesome poem Kruzy! ;D ^^ See this mans smart.. lol Thanks ;D |
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