Dante's Poem Corner

[dante]

Well for this first post I am only going to be putting up two poems at the moment. I don't have any other ones that are even close to decent to put up and these just barely pass. Regardless, if you could, read them and tell me what you think and how I could possibly improve. I will get another one up l

What Is Love?

What is that thing we identify as love?
Is it a feeling that comes from above?
Could it be something made to comfort?
Or is it meant to be for utter discomfort?

Who can truly say what love is as an emotion
If anyone tried to define it, that'd be a commotion
Because love is an emotion that can't be defined
And is a feeling that can never be truly confined

Some people say love is a feeling that can't be tampered
While others say it can easily be destroyed and hampered
Who are the ones that are correct and those who are wrong?
Who thinks that they have all been lying to us all along?

Because in the end for everyone love is something different
And isn't easy to attain, nor is it a gift that is indifferent
It feels different for every single person that walks on Earth
It isn't something that is handed away for what it's worth

Some people take life times to find out what that feeling is
Though I think I know one thing that anyone in love does
Which is do whatever it takes to protect their special person
And do their best to make sure that their situation won't worsen

Though it isn't nearly as simple as that, love is complex
It is more than just a physical action, it's more than sex
It is an emotion that will gush out, it can't be held back
You look past all their flaws no matter what they lack

You feel a pain in your chest but it makes you smile warmly
You feel awe-stricken when they are just acting normally
You feel weightless, as if you are floating on the clouds aimlessly
You feel you can tell them anything about yourself shamelessly

That's what I think love is and I won't ever take that back in my life
No matter what happens, even if my throat is in the path of a knife
I will never go back on what I truly believe what is the emotion of love
Something that will fly endlessly like a majestic and pure white dove

...That's what I know love is.

-------------------------------------------------

JKD is so much more

JKD is just a mixture of martial arts
Is what some believe in their hearts
But for me and a lot of people it is more
It prepares you for more than just war

I believe it's a a straight and narrow path for one to take
Even if your muscles are sore and your bones always ache
It helps you stay focused on what's important and true
And can be practiced by any who work hard at it, even you

You don't have to be nearly as fast as Bruce Lee
Or as strong as the invicible Greek God Hercules
You just need an iron will and a fiery determination
And be able to take a quick and painful combination

Each day you train, each day you work harder and harder
Your breaths tend to get lighter and you grow far stronger
The fists slamming on the bag that howls loudly in anguish
Your fists speaking a foreign and unknown second language

That feeling of exhaustion that makes your heart race
You believe could put a toothy grin on many a face
That feeling gives you a rush that isn't easy to attain
And is extremely difficult to find it and make it maintain

JKD teaches you the most important thing that you could know
Is that despite what difficulties hit you keep on going and don't slow
Never allowing yourself to be easily defeated and completely render
So you keep on fighting through any obstacles and never surrender

[taru]

the rythym is slightly off in some places but still good =]

[dante]

Heh thanks, I try to focus mainly on message but I will try to work a bit more on rhthym.

[Odin Reeves]

To be honest, I started reading the first one, then stopped after the 6th line. I scrolled down, looking at the last word for each and every sentece, and came to found that it's the exact same rhyme pattern for each one. Lets just say that this gets boring, incredibly fast.

I'd also like to point out that some of your rhymes, while technically work, need the use of a Thesaurus. Rhyming Comfort with Discomfort is bland, boring, lame. Take your pick.

Anyways, these are my thoughts, but I'm less of a poetry critic and more of an asshole.

[dante]

1st thing you said: Thanks for pointing that out, I can see why you found it boring looking from your percepective.

2nd point: Yeah for the ones that I did that (like different and indifferent), I just had nothing that I could think of to rhyme with it. I tried using rhymezone.com for them but that is what I got even from that site >.<

In any case, I don't care if you aren't a poetry critic, you still have an opinion that I value and I will try to improve myself by keeping it in mind. Thanks for taking your time to read my poems and actually post.

[taru]

oh yeah rhymes. the rhymes are like opposites of each other. like he said comfort and discomfort. but sometimes it cant be helped. use some words that rhyme but rhyme in a different way.

[dante]

Yes, as amazing as this may be I am updating this finally. I play an MMO called Nexus and it has poetry contests so that's why I made this one more or less. I tried using the advise given to me earlier by Odin (thanks by the way, I think it did come out better than most my other works) and I hope that you guys like it.

~Life Is Beautiful~

Many people say, life is a priceless treasure
Filled with many hardships but also pleasure
A thing worth fighting for, a thing worth dying for
Abudant in times of peace, miniscule in times of war

If life is so beautiful then why would one end a life?
Is it because life isn't all just beauty and happiness?
Is that why many people have their lives ended with a knife?
Does hate lead many to a ugly life filled with sadness?

Perhaps that is why many of these beautiful lives are taken
Our insecurities as humans and our deep burning hatred
That leave so many alone in this world and terribly forsaken
When a loved one's life is taken your life is forever tainted

Yes those are the hardships that paint the picture called life
That leave many people mourning and without a loved wife
But there is more to life than the difficulties it has to include
Far more than just sadness and despair when our lives conclude

So many things could be used to describe the beauty of life
Like the love of a mother that holds you tightly in her arms
Or a goregous woman who entoxicates you with her charms
These things we often take for granted which lead to strife

Yet this only scratches the surface of the beauty most lives contain
The objects of beauty that a life can posess and hold are far too numerous
Like the gift of laughter we make abudant with something too humorous
Or when cold water falls to cool you down all around in the form of rain

The list of beautiful things in life has an ending but is so hard to find
Because the positive outweighs the negative in society or mankind
So that we can continue on with life with such a great motivation
And no one can complain that they have nothing for true inspiration

In any case, criticize (I can't spell that damn word >.>) please or if I am lucky just give me compliments XD... though I doubt that will be the case XD.

[dante]

Well since no one replied to my last post, I am going to double post to bump this up as well as add a new poem.

A Dark Path

In everyday life there is a countless amount of good souls,
Yet even more of those who are evil and with sickening goals,
That have tredded off the path of light, courage, and true love,
And skipped the path of twilight, for that path of darkness above,

Though who are these people that rather go and tread that path?
Who are these people that plan to bring about chaos with wrath?
Many names come to mind, many dreadful people filled with hate,
That have decided to take pleasure in killing, and ending many a fate,

But why would they want to go ahead and follow this complex road of life?
Could it be because it is easier and is filled with more sexual pleasure?
Is there something at the end of this road that they prize as a treasure?
Or do they just enjoy a life of inflicting agony and causing so much strife?

Who can say, who can know, who can guess as to what that answer is,
Maybe a prophet, maybe an oracle, maybe a professor, who truly knows,
It certainly isn't easy to figure out, very much like an arduous pop quiz,
Or more simply ask one who has taken that journey, fallen, and has rose,

Yes, that's what we need to do, that's required if you seek such knowledge,
Because there is no other way, not a single one except the shady alternative,
Which is to render to the darkness inside your heart, and forever acknowledge,
That you have taken a rather new lifestyle, one of which you must be attentive,

Though you must not only be attentive, you must be intelligent and an actor,
Because if you do not possess these traits, you'll die quick due to this factor,
You must also abadon all connections with your cold heart and breathe ice,
For you will be taken advantage of, for you will finish last if you act a bit nice,

You must punish without mercy, you must kill all who oppose without remorse,
You must break all bonds you hold, you must be cunning and quick to thieve,
You must always know what to say, you must control with a disturbing force,
You must be rich so you can give pay, and you must always strive to achieve,

And how do I know this? I know this because... I walk A Dark Path.

Same as usual, comments/crtisism appreciated.

[taru]

thier good really good =)