a little collection of my writing

[taint]

Emptiness

So empty,
so cold,
is this gaping void in my soul,
oh how i have longed for the joy others have found,
i crave it,
i need it,
but still it escapes me.
Oh how i have struggled with this dark need.
Oh how i wish to fill the gaping hole in my soul.


Drugged Up On You


You're my drug

The most addictive of all

And I have to admit that I'm hooked

I'm drunk on your kiss

High on your love

A high I've never obtained from other drugs

When I'm in your arms, you're a painkiller

You're an anti-depressant

Zoloft could never keep me as happy as you do

But I fear losing you, more than anything

For if I'm deprived of you, I might suffer a fatal withdrawal

You're the drug with the most harmful side-effect...

Heartbreak


Love Bites


I popped another Zoloft, thinking I shouldn't

I thought of killing myself but I knew I wouldn't

And I thought of your eyes, that deep, deep blue

And how they watered when you said, "I love you."

As if it was true...


But you told me that maybe we should just be friends

And what never really had started had to end

You were engaged, I should have seen it coming

And now I'm left shocked, and feeling damn crummy

Not to mention like a total dummy...


I want to push you out completely, and I've told myself I did

But you're tucked away in a deep part of my mind, hid

And when the sun is setting

And there's nothing else to do

I sit here and think of you...


You're lucky, I loved you too much to consider revenge

I should have done it, went and told your girlfriend

I should have told her what we did that Wednesday night

On my livingroom floor

With nothing but the TV for light...


But I'm not that mean, not that cruel

Even though I was nothing more to you than a tool

Yea, I know you told me to move on, I did

But that doesn't mean I can't look back, at those memories of torment

And remember when...


When we first kissed

I had to have an idea that this is how it would end

With you being engaged, and me being so alone

I could never fully have you, and this deprivation turned my heart to stone

Our worlds so off-tone...


So I popped another Zoloft, thinking I shouldn't

I considered killing myself, but knew I wouldn't

And then I looked back and thought I might

Remembering my terrible plight

And now all I know is that love really bites...



My Oasis In The Desert


My dad shouts fierce insults at me

He wishes to strangle me, to end my burden on him

He says things that tear me apart

I feel no greater desire than to cry

And he leaves through the door

As I whimper on the tiled kitchen floor

Tears trickling down my cheeks

And then my little brother enters

Like an angel, waltzing into the fires of Hell

To rescue me, save me

He hugs me, asks if I'm okay

You are my patch of sunny warmth in the midst of a blizzard

You are my oasis in the desert

You give me what I need to continue life

I would have dug a blade into my wrist a long time ago

If not it had been for you, my reprieve from cold reality

I cannot committ suicide, cannot put you through that

I will always be there for you, because you have never failed me

I am glad that Dad yells at and hits me

Because, without me, he would be hurting you

You are my patch of sunny warmth in the midst of a blizzard

You are my oasis in the desert

You are my umbrella in a rainstorm

And without you, I am nothing

With you, I am everything

And I love you, little brother

For everything you make me, for everything you do


Oceanic Song


A beautiful voice calls to me

From under the crystalline turquoise liquid

Singing of the past in a tone of mock

Laughing at the calls of wives who have lost their lovers

She sings a tale of sailors drifting out to sea

And never returning

She laughs at the drowned corpses of the Titanic

Knowing that the men aboard are now hers to keep

To cherish forever

And an evil cackle plays from her lips

'You'll never see them again!,' she screams to the heart-broken wives

Who are lonely and lost but safe on land

And her body drifts over the bones of the lost men

With relish, she feels no remorse

As her very soul flows over the broken bodies

She can only want more

Sirens, mermaids

Entrancing sailors, calling them to sea

Fulfilling her selfish desires

She will keep them forever, encase them in her liquidated soul

Her beauty disguises her hideous lust

She sings... she sings...



The Forgotten


I remember that smile

Plastered on your face

And I wish I could put it in a frame

So that you could be smiling from my wall right now

You don't remember what it's like to be happy

You live a life where everything is gray and hopeless

I wish I had put your smile in a frame

So that I could see you smile every day

I remember those tears

That face of disappointment and grief

I wish I had put it in a frame

So that I could remember you crying on my shoulder

At least I'd have a part of you

But now I lay here on my bed

And I stare at my ceiling

And try to remember the forgotten

When you were here

Smiling or crying

At least you were here

But now, you're gone

I wish I had remembered what it was like

To have a friend who cried on my shoulder



The Poem That Had No Name


Somewhere, a baby is being born

A drunken driver is going 80 down a trafficked road

A man is slipping a ring on his wife's finger

Someone is using their final breath to scream for help

A kid is home alone flipping through TV channels

Someone is slamming a ball into a basketball hoop

An orphan teenager is digging a knife into his wrist

A young woman is begging her lover to stay

Somewhere, there is despair

The orphan bleeding profusively and missing his mother

Somewhere, there is hope

The newborn baby weeping in it's loving mother's arms

Somewhere, there is danger

The drunken driver hurdling into a ditch

And I am sitting on a couch

Writing silly poetry

And somewhere, there is another

Reading my poetry

And pondering what led me

To write about such things

And I can hear my mother singing in the other room:

"Oh, it's a small world after all... It's a small world after all..."

Is it truly?



When You Look Into My Eyes


When you look into my eyes

What is it that you see

The unheard lullabies

The heart-breaking memories


Laughter that used to be

Love that could have been

Frozen lakes, gray seas

A woman who just can't win


And when you look at my face

What is it that crosses your mind

Someone who seems out of place

The outcast at the end of the lunchline


And though I tell everyone to leave me alone

And thought I push everyone away

Maybe I just want one, just one

Just you, only you, to stay


No kid wants a broken toy

No father wants a broken daughter

Someone who's been mentally destroyed

Someone who's been emotionally slaughtered


When you look into my eyes

What is it that you see

The unheard lullabies

The heart-breaking memories



When you look into my eyes...



Where's Home?


When did this all start?

Will it ever end?

Why am I still crying?

I just can't comprehend



I just want to be held

Where did those arms go?

Where's the reassurance?

I just don't know



You were there and then you weren't

You were mine and then you're hers

I didn't have time to think

It went by in a blur



Why are you kissing her?

Why am I all alone?

I've lost my mind

Which way is home?


{Chorus:}



Home is where your kiss is

Home is where those eyes of love are

Home is where the bliss is...

But that's too far... Way too far...



I'm wondering the streets

Don't know which way to go

I'm reaching for that hand to lead me

But it's not there, so I'm so alone



The darkness in my eyes

The tears running down my cheeks

I don't know what I plan to find

I don't know what I seek.



It's pouring down rain now

Chilled all the way to my bones

I'm still outside wondering

Which way is home? ... Which way is home?


(Chorus)



I can't find my home,

It's too far away.

I don't know where to go,

Have no place to stay.


Where's the walls made by love

And the roof of your affection

The rain's seeping in from above

I have no protection, no protection



Where's home?

(Chorus)


Writer's Disease


I've given up typing on the computer

My fingers are way too cold

So now, I'm writing on paper

With a pencil too small to hold


I've gnawed on the eraser

And now my mouth is gritty

And I can't think of a word

That seems quite fitting


Balled-up, half-used papers sprawled everywhere

And I'm scribbling out whole lines

Thinking I should just give-up

But my stubbornness continues to confine


So I am stuck on this couch

Cross-legged under a blanket

Notebook on my lap

Really beginning to hate it


I've got a red bump on my ring finger

From writing way too much

And pushing way too hard on the pencil

I'm about to bust


This is beginning to annoy me

This state of unease

And so now I know what it is to be

Suffering from Writer's Disease



How Can You Know Me When I Don't?



How can you know me when I don't?

How can you stand me when I won't?

Why did you listen when no one would?

How can you care when no one else could?



I'm broken and beat

On the verge of defeat

But still you stand in belief

When I can't control the pain beneath

Beneath the surface, I burn for you

How can you love me the way you do?

I didn't think anyone cared

I don't deserve to be spared

'Cause I'm broken and beat

No solid ground under my feet

I'm falling and you want to catch me

But I'm going out with at least dignity

Would I rather survive,

Or keep my pride?

Would I rather have life and you,

'Cause I have both to lose



How can you know me when I don't?

How can you stand me when I won't?

Why did you listen when no one would?

How can you care when no one else could?



I can lose it all

With my fall

Or let you help

Before the final farewell

My own dad doesn't care

How do you dare?

Can I push you away,

When you're all that'll stay?

Would I kiss you good-bye,

When I didn't let you try?

Could I hug you once more,

Before closing the door?

'Cause I'm broken and beat

Standing in disbelief

Of you wanting to hold on

When everyone else is gone



How can you know me when I don't?

How can you stand me when I won't?

Why did you listen when no one would?

How can you care when no one else could?



'Cause I'm broken, broken

The words I've never spoken

The feelings I wouldn't admit

The hurt I couldn't submit

But you know, you feel my deep thoughts

Emitting from the heart of which I have not

But I'm destroyed and distorted

And you've thwarted

The losing of myself

Putting my life on the shelf

But you're holding me now

Though I don't know how



How can you know me when I don't? (I don't know...)

How can you stand me when I won't? (I don't know...)

Why did you listen when no one would? (I don't know...)

How can you care when no one else could? (I don't know...)



In Unison Until Fade:

Boys: I don't know... I don't know... I don't know...

Girls: Holding me now. You're holding me now.

[taint]

Don't Lose Yourself To You


I know when you lie

I can see it in your eyes

But I refrain from hurting you

Though your lies continue

I start to wonder if anything you say is true

And I'm starting to lose trust in you

Everything you say is a lie

And when the truth pops up you deny

You're playing the part of a villain, a witch

You're becoming her: a liar, a bitch

After pretending to be that character so long

You become her, the untruth in your words grows strong

I saw you do it

Though I can't prove it

You want to marry your boyfriend

But this lying game, you won't win

Someone else came online

Said you wanted his kids, that's fine

But you wouldn't admit it when you were caught

You just shook your head calmly, even in that hot spot

You're playing the part of a villain, a witch

You're becoming her: a liar, a bitch

After pretending to be that character so long
You become her, the untruth in your words grows strong

Ignorance is bliss

But bliss is ignorance

If I had been Eve all those years ago

I would have eaten the apple, been doomed just to know

I want to know you

But I don't think even you do

You're not who I used to know

You're becoming your lies, sinking below

You're playing the part of a villain

The character who never wins

Don't lose yourself to you

Don't lose yourself to you

Don't lose yourself to you



Black Rose



Sweet, bitter cruelty

Words that burn like fire

Torment and everlasting hatred

Unsatisfiable desire

Unbreakable determination

A soul tortured

Demented, distorted, broken

But yet it lives

To face each new day

Passion and wanting

Hidden by fear of rejection

A stinging depression

Hidden by pride

Love shows vulnerability

Tears show weakness

Feelings destroy

Even as they create

You're the palace

At the end of a black road

Any who travel that road

Never reach the palace

They rest alongside that black road

And wake to find

That they're no closer than before

I hate you, I love you

You gave me a black rose

And called me your Valentine



Time Stops



I lay down and cry

'Cause the day's been too rough

I wish I wouldn't try

I wish I could be tough


But then like an angel

He walks in with his arms open

And my spirit so mangled

Is renewed in him


And time stops, just quits

As he lays down next to me

The camera in my heart clicks

And in my heart that memory will always be


When I've had a bad stroke of luck

I come home and punch the wall

I scream at the top of my lungs, "What the fuck?"

And it seems there's no answer to my call


"What kind of God are you, to do this to me?"

I lean against a wall, and tears well up in my eyes

But then I can feel his gaze upon me

And of his presence I stand apprised


And time stops, just quits

As I feel His embrace

And I know that he's legit

In all of His ways


Mom wouldn't let me go ridin'

With my sophomore friend

So I began chidin'

If felt like the world would end


Then on the news

Someone had a wreck and died

I couldn't believe it was true

Thank you, God, I'm alive


And time stops, just quits

And my mother looks at me

I apologize for my fit

But I don't have to plea


I find forgiveness for everything

From God and my mother

I can hear the angels sing

And I cannot be bothered


So next time I want to scream

I'll remember the Holy Spirit has faith

I can feel Heaven's warm beams

And I know for love that I don't have to wait


The Gem Of Your Love


I think of your love as a pearl

A perfect ball of purity

But if there is the slightest imperfection

Then I want naught to do with it

Because it makes the whole thing useless

If your love isn't true

Then it isn't love at all

Don't say, "I love you."

For, if you don't mean it, the gesture is futile

Your love is like a pearl...


Break-Up


You broke my heart

Shattered it into tiny shards

And then mashed the shards into dust

You blew the dust to the wind

And laughed, as I was on my knees

Begging you for a slight show of mercy

My love for you had been for naught

You did not recompensate all I gave to you

You only hurt me in return

My feelings I was brought up to hide from the world

And when I trusted you, and exposed them to you

When I put myself in a state of vulnerability

I was destroyed

You claimed that you loved me, that you cared

But now I can only wonder

I can only wonder...

Your poison still runs in my veins

Your pulse still beats in my chest

And I hate you

Your lies, your deceit

Your derranged, conniving mind

You don't repent what you've done

You have tried to forget me

But you feel my hatred as strongly as I do

A desire for revenge is all that keeps me living

I love this hatred

And I will cherish it

What goes around comes around

So you can live in fear, I can live in hatred

And neither of us will love again


Your Decision



A broken, surreal smile

Blue eyes drowned under sin

Teenagers struggling blindy

Fighting a battle they can't win


They don't know that they're fighting God

Playing Satan's part in a world of hate

They don't know of which path they trod

And most know, but deny, their fate


They don't know why they can't win

They can't figure out why

So they blame God, and submerge deeper within

No longer will they choose to try


I'm losing my friends to that formidable place

But what can I do without being pushed away?

I see the hunger upon her face

I see the veil of smoke obscuring his way


They think no one loves them

They chop up their wrists like carving wood

But how can I lead them to Him?

Is it my place? Is this what I should?


God loves them, He would wrap them in His arms

If only they were to forfeit fighting for the wrong side

They don't understand the emotional self-harm

They don't understand the rules of the fight


Will they ever learn who they're battling against?

Will they ever learn they can't win?

Will they ever surrender to the light and nourishment?

Or, upon the Day, never see light again?




Just Like Romeo And Juliet



She had white hair and pretty blue eyes

She was valedictorian and track star

Her laughter was sunny but her glare was like ice

But her daddy drank and her mother was behind bars


He was the rebel child

He rocked with his boys on Main Street on Saturdays for a small fee

Barely passed high school, man he was wild

But he was strong and tan and stood stood six foot three



Just like Romeo and Juliet

They fell in love just like that

Just like Romeo and Juliet

They had this love thing down-pat


They used to make-out at football games

And feel each other up in the hallways

They used to tell each other they'd stay the same

Until the end of their days


And they did, all the way

It was puppy love only at first

Together they would always stay

Through best and worst



Just like Romeo and Juliet

It was love at first sight

Just like Romeo and Juliet

It was just right


They were destined to love

Ariana the beauty and rockstar Devon

Devon was the blackest raven, Ariana the whitest dove

It was a match made in Heaven


They ran away at the crack of dawn

The morning following graduation night

And then the whole town knew they were gone

Without warning they vanished from sight



Just like Romeo and Juliet

Devon and Ariana belonged together

Just like Romeo and Juliet

Forever and ever


The preppy babydoll and the outcast rockstar

She could've been a computer technician

She would've done good in the modeling business, she would've gone far

But she didn't, 'cause she loved him


Devon and his band gained popularity

It seemed he had fulfilled his dreams

That's what they were, to become the big cheese

Or so it seems, or so it seems



Just like Romeo and Juliet

They were lovers from beginning to end

Just like Romeo and Juliet

They'd stick side-by-side through thick-and-thin


He pulled out the ring that night on Sunday

He asked: "Will you marry me, baby?"

She was so stunned she couldn't answer till early Monday

When he pleaded again: "Please be my lady!"


She said yes

And he hugged her tight

It was for the best

It just seemed right



Just like Romeo and Juliet

They were lovers from beginning to end

Just like Romeo and Juliet

They'd stand side-by-side through thick-and-thin


Real Pain


Pain, and sadness overwhelming; suffering in silence.

Demented thoughts corrupt clear souls, as agony washes into existence.

Birds sing a harmful tune to the rigid winds, clear sky turns grey.

Dreams are lost from cruelty and life suddenly comes to an end.


One


One is lost but never forgotten

One is found but never departed

One is gone but never deceased

One is brisk but never born

The lives change as days past, simple obscurity comes and lasts, dream are lost and never retrieved and so must be our insanity.



Gone Away


I’m living in the death of society, dreaming, thinking

Light flash on and off in my mind, distorting my fear

The earth turned night, and the sky full with crimson as the sun sets for the last time

The monarchs wings are turned to ash, as well as there grace

I stand in the middle, of corruption, lacerated

A tear drapes down my face, the only sign of life

I see a beautiful flower… burnt by the bitter depravity of ones selfishness.

I scream, holler, cry, but no one comes to my aid

There all too assiduous, to help.

I lay here dormant, grave, and dejected.

Only for that star, the only hope in my distraught life

Gone in a second, lost forever

The people of tomorrow, will never see today, for that one last chance at change, has gone away



Gentle Insanity


The butterfly’s wings sparkle

In the sun’s soothing rays

While the water heals

And humanity lives through reality



Robbed


The moon captured my soul and stored it amongst the stars, as I grieve in silence I wait for the sun to give me life

The birds stole my mind and hid it within the trees; while I sit in darkness I wait for the wind to wisp me back my sanity.

The rivers took my heart and through it along the sharp rocks, I scream in agony for the torture to end.

I’ve been robbed.



Bitter Day


The life draining from already dismal body

My angel spawns for hope of new life

Saatin's joy overwhelming

Falling into the ever unpopular vortex

Avid for daylight and happiness

Mourning from within, eyes swell shut

A single tear cascades down my unwanted cheek

I scream in disbelief as I look upon my mutilated corps

Grabbed by each arm, light and worry curse me

I wonder how that bitter day could ever be so cold

That one mistake lead to my ungrateful demise

[taint]

When Pigs Fly

You said that I'd only make it

When pigs flew

You said I'd never cut it

You said I'd never pull through


But I've always rebelled you

And that'll never change

On your words I grew

Rather than become deranged


There are times that I wanted to break down

Times that I couldn't help but cry

But I made it through, and that's how

This is the day that pigs fly


'Cause I've beat all expectations

I've passed through impassable walls

Became an unique individual of my generation

And I will not fall


I've busted my binds

I've touched the stars

Look closely, and you'll find

That success is never that far


You pushed me down

You've kicked me

While I was on the ground

But still you can see


That I've rose above all

And the reason why...

You said I'd fall

Until the day that pigs fly

With each discouraging word

They grew stronger wings

And it is on what I've heard

That I've lived my dreams


Is It Worth It?


Mommy came home drunk
Called her little 13-year-old-girl a slut
And, with an empty beer bottle, beat her ass
And left her lying among the shattered glass

Is it worth it?
All the pain and all the bullshit?
Do you really want to face tomorrow
Just to be surrounded by total sorrow?

Oops, another cut on the wrist
Because another abusive mother was pissed
Another lifeless body on the ground
Another soul hell-bound

Daddy came home fired
Cranky, agitated, and tired
Told his 16-year-old-son he was an idiot
And left him in his room feeling like shit

Is it worth it?
All the pain the bullshit?
Do you really wanna face tomorrow
Just to be surrounded by total sorrow?

Oops, another emptied bottle of whiskey
Leaving a teenage boy wishing
That his father was dead
But he took the car out and killed himself instead

A step-mother came home
Do find herself feeling strangely alone
Her husband was asleep on the couch there
And her step-son was dying in a ditch somewhere

Is it worth it?
All the pain and the bullshit?
Do you really wanna face tomorrow
Just to be surrounded by total sorrow?

Oops, another suicide note found on the floor
A step-mother disappearing out the door
Finds her son's peaceful face, no more scowls
And she decides to throw in the towel

A lonely kid goes to school
Just to be over-ruled
Called names and feeling mistreated
And, at the end of the day, defeated

Is it worth it?
All the pain and the bullshit?
Do you really wanna face tomorrow
Just to be surrounded by total sorrow?

Oops, another thunder of gunshots sound
And twenty bodies hit the ground
The kid goes away for life
All because of the pain and strife

Is it worth it?
To call someone a name
Is it worth it?
To give yourself some fame
Is it worth it?
To end your life
Is it worth it?
Instead of pulling through the strife
Is it worth it?"

When i'm with you

I've never quite felt this way before

I feel so safe, so unbelievably secure

I've never had so healthy of an addiction

Never been so free of stress and restrictions

I feel like I've broke all restraints

For love I'll never again have to wait

I swear we were a match made above

All the care, faith, trust, hope, and love

Your kind words help me fight the pain

So little loss, so much gain

In this relationship, I'm surely the beneficiary

I don't mind what people think, I'm just carefree

When I'm with you

I know you're true

It's like the light touch of the wind

I can't see it, but it's a feeling I don't want to end


Life's A Road

I'd do anything to see you smile

I'd quit smoking, walk a thousand miles

I'd do everything for you to smile at me

To make you my future, my destiny


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Your first kiss is almost never love

Your first lay isn't what you dreamed of

And life isn't the way you want

It'll torment, torture, taunt


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


And the sweet-and-sour memories

Take a hold of me

Love only goes one way

Hearts are broken every day


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Love is just like a highway

Never goin' my way

A few stop signs I've skipped

The speed limit signs I missed


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I've skidded off-road once or twice

Sometimes just to watch the gravel fly

I've taken a few chances, almost lost my life

But I'm still here to bitch about all the despair and strife


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


And life is only one way

I should've asked you to stay

Instead of watching the door pop shut

Not wondering whether I could've done anything to stop


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Maybe if I'd obeyed the rules of the road

But no one does that, so I'm told

Just gotta keep blitzin' down those crazy paths

Watching the trees fly by and letting the wind consume my wrath


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I'd do anything to see you smile

I'd do everything for you to smile at me



Just A Memory


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I once sat with my feet in this river

With my head on your shoulder

Your consoling words still ring in my head


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


We once climbed up this tree

Just to kiss in secrecy

The taste still blesses my tongue


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


We once walked this path together

Talking about our dreams of forever

But those are just memories


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Memories

Reveries

Just dreams


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Things you'll never think of again

Because we both know that we're fin

What was between us is dead


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Except in my memories

Your face in my reveries

Haunting, blessing all my dreams


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I once danced in this room

Closely, lovingly with you

Your movements still twirl me to sleep


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


You once parked in this driveway

Picking me up for a football game

I can still hear you cheer at the scoreboard


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


You once jumped from that balcony

The one across the street from me

But that's just a memory

This one is rated mature for very bad language

SLEEVES UP


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


A couple girls whisper as I stride past

They think it'll get to me, kiss my ass

But its when they have the guts to tell it to me

Is when shit gets down and dirty

Sit there and call me all these names

Bitches just wishin' that you weren't all the same

But when it comes down to it

And I've taken enough shit


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


It's sleeves up, game on

Turn on my song

Number 1 by Nelly, time to open a can

People like me make for a short lifespan


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"What does it take to be Number 1?"

It takes a bitch like me that doesn't fuck around for fun

Because it's sleeves up, let's get down

Two hits, mine in your face and you on the ground

People tell me to just walk away

But it'd take a major pussy to not stay

And maybe I don't always win my fights

But when it turns dark hoes keep on the lights

And some guys think that they don't hit girls

But I've got more balls than you do and I'm takin' on the world

Tonight is the night that shit gets ugly

And time to bash in faces smiling smugly


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


It's sleeves up, game on

Turn on my song

Down With The Sickness, let's open a can

'Cause when I open the door shit hits the fan


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


All the controversy

Doesn't get to me

I sleep at night

And dream of my next fight

In this world you can't let go

You have to hold on, use all you know

You have to learn how to hold a grudge

And how to swing a kick and throw a punch

Robin, I may have got OSS

But when I get back I'ma kick your ass

No one talks shit on Franki

Without answerin' to me

Takin' your boyfriend would be so easy

I would if he wasn't so skeezy

Bitch, I just dare you to fight back

Next time it won't be just one smack

Teachers and parents won't always be around

And that's when you get a taste of the ground

Because I know where you live, right up the block

Just watch the bull shit that you talk


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It's sleeves up, game on

Turn on my song

Scars by Papa Roach

Hoe, no one'll shed tears when you croak

[taint]

A Place


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Sick of pretend

Sick of dead ends

Tired of taking a pose

Just so I'm the Signe everyone knows



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hate being behind a mask

Hate looking at a half-empty glass

Sick of being a piece of ass

Sick of these loads of white trash



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wanna go to a place where no one knows my name

A place where they're not all the same

A place where the sunshine'll make me smile

A place where my best friends are always within a mile



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Every day I go home from school

To put up with a total fool

A guy who calls himself my dad

I'm trying not to go mad



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I miss my friends and I wanna go back

Try again to get my grades on track

Tell Ida how much she was missed

And whine about how my dad gets me pissed



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Give Josh and Austin a hug

Slip the pain inside off with a shrug

Talk to Bethany and Rachel about old times

Brag about all my past crimes



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wanna go to a place where no one knows my name

A place where everyone's not all the same

A place where the sunshine'll make me smile

A place where my best friends are always within a mile



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I always flirt with Chris way more than I should

Know that if I could go out with him I would

I wanna sit next to Christy

And ask her how much she missed me



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I love my friends more than they'll ever know

I try to be strong, try to not let it show

That if they were to ever leave me

I'd be filled with a blackness so empty


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


A place...

Where I won't be judged by my face

A place...

Lie

So confused

So unsure

Do you love me

or do you love her?

You play pretend

Say you care

But when I turn

Your not there

Just hold me close

And tell me so

That you love me

And won't let go

You play pretend

Say you care

But when I turn

Your not there

Don't give me a kiss

And soft goodbye

Just keep me here

within this lie


Beauty

A brand new beauty

With soft brown eyes

With brand new secrets

Questions and lies

But I'll scare it away

Because thats what I do

I see a new beauty

And take it from you

I'll find a new angel

With gentle brown hair

With a cute accent

And skin oh so fair

But I'll scare it away

Because thats what I do

I see a new beauty

And take it from you


Meant for me

I look to the sky and smile

Hoping you are looking too

I continue to stare up for awhile

Wishing I was in the arms of you

In a way this makes us closer

Remembering how you held me tight

But then I think how you loved her

On that sad and lonely night

I should be happy you two met

But its hard for me to be

Because in my heart I can't forget

That you were really meant for me.


You walked away

Inside I felt great pain...

On my white shirt was a blood stain..

In my heart was a scar..

And my happiness was so far...

The knife had fallen in my chest..

I began to breathe less..

My heart began to stop and I didn't move..

And the last thing I hoped was to see you...

And yet you began to walk away...

As if you were unable to help or had nothing to say..

So there I lay,blood stains on the floor...

And last thing I see is you walking out that door..


Mommy

watched from the closet as he opened up the door

Dragged my mommy in and pushed her on the floor

He yelled each bitter word he knew

Mommy why would he hurt you?

His face was twisted in rage

I felt locked inside a cage

I wanted to help but he'd hurt me too

Just like he did you

Tears fell down my cheeks as I silently cry

He kicked you, hit you, and said you should die

I wanted to say stop daddy

But he'd get mad at me

I fell on my rump

As I heard a loud thump

I heard more yelling then one last cry

And that was the day I saw mommy die..

Lost Love

You made me care
made me wish to always be there
You made me fall
made me risk loosing it all
You gave me pain
now in my world it will forever rain
You took my hope,gave me fears
you are the the reason I feel these tears
you were the one,who I thought came from above
But now I know you are just a lost love


Memories can kill

Are you really worth the hurt?
Worth the pain?
Worth the scars?
the walks through the rain?
Worth the torture?
Worth the tears?
Worth the anger?
And worth the fears?

I’m not worth you
But you worth me?
Should I stand by?
Or run and flee?

I’d run in the rain
five hundred miles
If for a moment
I could see you smile

I would give everything
Just to hold onto you
But then I remember
What you always do

So I am worth you
As you are worth me
But us together
This will never be

Back behind my heart
The memories I’ll hide.
Of you and me together
Us forever, side by side

Someday it’ll be better
Someday it’ll be fine
And someday you’ll figure
That you were never mine

But until then
Here I will stay
with secret memories
Where hidden they lay

You are worth it all
But you never knew
Because in a way
I never knew you.

I knew my heart well
But didn’t know you
Because I didn’t watch
The things that you do

I hid the images
Deep in my soul
So I'd never know
The things you unfold

So here, with my poem
I will lay all alone
Letting the memories
Burn down to thebone.
Until the moment that I die
With this blade in hand
Blood thinking to the dirt
To cover this green land
They will read my poem
Of great pain and despair
And then they will know
That her memories lay there
Note:By memories I mean memories of the one they loved.


As I bleed

Here I lay as I bleed
Remembering what I really need
Let me bleed until I faint
Then use my blood just like paint
I paint the pictures on the wall
Then hit it hard to make them fall
Because like me they need to die
As I bleed and start to cry.

Darkness

When the light is gone
The darkness falls
We find were wrong
No one left to call
No one to protect us
From our sin
the pain of lust
hidden deep within


Because of me

He said he would die
If I walked out the door
I hoped he would lie
Tossing things on the floor
My bags in the hall
I hear the gun fire
His blood on the wall
He wasn't a liar
He did what he said
Took his own life
with metal and lead
Bullets cut like a knife

In Love


It comes with a price
And a heavy fee
To be in love
and be called free

What should I do?
What should I say?
So lost in this life
Can't find my way

Now paying the price
for a broken heart
Guess falling in love
wasn't that smart.


Forever Broken
Broken down
filled with hate
Shattered heart
The end of fate

No more hopes
No more dreams
just more fears
And more screams

This is fate
Around I go
Where I stop
I always know

End it all
Stop this game
By the end
Its all the same

Down I go
Hit the floor
Blood goes splat
Against the door

In small pieces
Here I lay
In small pieces
Here I'll stay.


Sad Jealousy


Jealousy flows through my veins
Face the colour red
Instead of watching them together
I would rather be called dead

As tears fall down my face
Slowly I break down
Never again see a smile
Only a large frown

Nails dig into my skin
And all I do is star
Blood flows down my arm
Reminder of her hair


Never Again


I let out a cry,
his teeth digging in
Hands pushing his side
As he breaks the skin

I lay like a rag doll
My breath is now faint
No emotion is shown
Is this now my fate?

Blood on my neck
tears down my face
Both wiped away
Leaving no trace

Then he is gone
Leaving me to cry
Wound in my neck
And a prayer to die

Yet knowing I won't
That here I will lay
And on my neck
A reminder will stay

It'll remind me of love
And what I now fear
I will not love again
just to feel another tear


Saviour


So confused
So unsure
Yet so sweet
And so pure
Is so lost
what to do
to save me?
or save you?
Please hold on
Don't let go
To please do
I don't know
Do I save you?
Or save me.
Answer this
And set me free


Living a lie


she held his hand tight
As he whispers goodbye
Her knuckles go pale
As she starts to cry
He steps away
Without even a tear
A mind full of hate
Heart full of fear
She lifts up the blade
Showing a soft shine
Puts it to her wrist
And draws a red line
A rush of pain
Heart starts to race
pulls down her sleeve
Smile on her face
Wipes away any tears
Any wishes she has to die
Then walks out her door
To live in her lie.

I Would Cry Your Tears


If I could, I would cry all the tears you couldn’t shed

All those times when life was too hard to take

But you were too brave to let down your guard

I couldn’t even begin to imagine your pain

All the times you wanted to break down

And let all the sorrow bleed down your cheeks

I don’t want to imagine the things you’ve been through

I don’t want to make you remember

I want to cry your tears, to make you forget

Forget all the hurt, the deceit, and the lies

I want to wipe away the hate

Erase the acts of anger

I want you to see that there can be happiness and warmth

Just wrap your arms around me

And I’ll do what you never could

…If I could, I would cry your tears

[taint]

Porcelain Doll

Small porcelain doll
Lays on my bed
Eyes baby blue
Cheeks rosy red
Smile is cracked
White dress is tattered
Right hand is broken
Left ear is shattered

Within her head
My secrets I hide
Every small thing
Once hidden inside

I knew that forever
There it would lie
And within her head
My secrets would stay

Right hand broken
Her ear shattered
Smile all cracked
White dress all tattered
Eyes of baby blue
Cheeks of rosy red
Forever the doll
Will lie on my bed


This one simply got a post for itself cause it means so much to me. It's one of those pieces i ever wrote who touched myself the deepest.

Anyways, i apologize for the lack of an introduction at the start, as you most likely guessed by now this is my poems, i would love any kind of feedback on them, bad, good anything you got to say will be much appreciated

Thank you in advance.