Final word

[Arlen]

Your words are like a blade, that cut me to the vein.
Every sentence that you made, slowly drove me insane.
Your tongue was like a knife,
That you dragged across my skin.
You drained away my life.
Drowned my soul in sin.
You imprisoned me in madness,
In the shackles of my mind.
You were the only witness,
To my sad demise.
I could see as you approached me,
The poison on your lips.
You whispered softly to me,
Then all was sealed with a kiss.
You were like a knife inside me,
You tore my world apart.
With that final kiss,
You tore away my heart.
Now I'm slowly dying...
Waiting to be set free.
Your words the only thoughts
That echo within me.

You said that god would judge me,
The angels would make me weep.

Fuck you darling,
It's now my turn to speak.

Only the devil can judge me...
And these secrets that I keep.

[Valencia Donahue]

The mood seemed haunting throughout this poem, which fits quite nicely with what you had going on. The similes were well-versed.

However, the "Fuck you darling, / It's now my turn to speak" portion threw me off rhythm by a little. Perhaps it's because I was so accustomed to the pattern of syllables leading up to that part, but whatever the case, this is my review.

[Arlen]

Aye I wanted the lines

Fuck you Darling
It's now my turn to speak.

To stand alone, which is why I chose to knock them out of the rythm of the poem. I find it forces the reader to look over the line atleast twice trying to make it fit in with the rest of the poem. In doing so you pretty much force the reader to take notice of the line, be it in a good or a bad way.

If I continue to write you'll see that I often break up my rythm or structure. I prefer to write in a fragmented or stuttered style. Kinda reflects my own emotions and thoughts.

Thank you for your continued input. It's appreciated.