A New Life...?[Kira]

[Kazuki Akimoto]

'No.....Please........NO!......'

Rising with a start, he clutched his chest tightly, his fingers tracing over the intricate tattoos that hid the worst of his scars, though they didn't follow the black inked markings he had paid to conceal the traces of his past, the things that reminded him of before, of a time when tears could truly come to him....

So many years now, so many long, dragging years had passed, yet the same nightmare pained him, tore him from peaceful rest and prevented him from true, honest rest. As it stood, he had now found self- solace in his own heart, over time he had given his heart to another, released his barriers and accepted another into his life without limit, the only person he could truly say was the one he could love without question, and even now he could only give her so much of himself. Even now, so much of his heart was tarnished by a guilt that could never leave him, that blackened his heart and lingered like a cancer as it choked the very spirit from the man. A brave face would only do so much, a fake smile could only go so far, and he knew that there was only so much he could do as things were to redeem the dark spot that lingered.

The Next Day, Hokkaido[/b]

Hokkaido, a place he'd since grown re-attached to, his home and homeland, yet a place he loathed to be. Reiko had not accompanied him on this occasion, under Rene and Roccos careful watch she was attending Hircine, even with their current situation. One thing he could count on comfortably was her outspoken nature tended only to arise in her native tongue. With her teachers and likewise she possessed a polite and courteous nature that was virtually unrivalled....

A good thing indeed.

His journey had been long, after all, he'd travelled halfway across the world to be here and to ask the questions he wanted to ask, but luck stood in his favour when he arrived at the humble home he had travelled to a few months before, when he had first met Reiko and taken her into his life. His grandfather was not home, and this in itself presented the youngest surviving male of his bloodline a time to dwell upon something as he paced around the small building, pacing into the grounds behind and stopping on the grass, in front of him two small, almost non-descript stones with a rudimentary carving on each, a single Kanji for each of his parents. Slumping to his knees in front of them, his head bowing as he paid a quiet respect, he maintained the quiet for a surprising spell of time, one he would not have been able to judge had he not been joined by an elder man who prostrated himself alongside Taiku. The simple clothing and speckled grey beard to his right a welcome and unwelcome sight all at once.

"I didn't hear you arrive home..."

"I didn't know my grandson was flying across the world for a whim, so we're even...."

"...Fair point, grandfather."

"Out with it, child. You didn't come here just to pay your respects, so why not say what it is you want to say...?"

The younger male shifted on his knees, tucking his feet up against his thighs roughly after turning himself to face the elder and revered male to his side. A slow, quick cough clearing his throat, he seemed to linger shortly on the response to that question before he eventually spoke.

"What I did those years ago...I wish to find a way to repent to those souls...."

"Tell me, my boy, how do you intend to do that?"

"I...I don't know, grandfather. I could contribute money to the town--"

"And do what? Erect a monument in their 'honour'?"

"Well, I could make anonymous donations to the families...."

"Money will not ease the pain those people feel, Kazuki. You of all people should know that money buys no happiness..."

"...I...don't know what to do then..."

"Answer me this, Kazuki. Do you feel guilt for taking their lives, is it remorse for how you killed them, or does your heart simply trouble you because you no longer believe that the happiness you feel now, with your loved ones and the people around you, is permitted?"

"It's just....How can I live my life without care, after what happened? Do I have the right to be happy?"

"Do you love Kira?"

"...I don't follow...."

"Answer the question, boy."

"Well, of course I do--"

"Leave. Go home, hold that girl in your arms and ask yourself that very question. You'll find your answer faster than I can give it to you."

"....I figured we'd stopped the riddles after I got smarter than you....."

"Careful, boy. You might be younger and more spry, but I can still beat you like a child...."

Allowing himself a short chuckle at the remarks, a slow sigh escaped Taiku before he spoke again, glancing down to his folded hands. "You'll make me do this your way, won't you?"

"I have no intention on telling you something you need to have your own epiphany about, my boy...Go home, look at what you have, at the life you have and the people you share it with, look into the eyes of the woman you love and ask yourself that question again. The answer will be clearer to you then...."

"Thank you, grandfather...."

"You need not thank me, child. Even us old timers have our occasional use, you know..."

The two shared a brief smile before heading indoors, spending a while talking about far more menial things, how Reiko was doing in school and how well she was adapting to English-speaking culture, how Taikus business was going and other such things....He was pleased to hear that Reikos father had managed to come to arrangements with the Yakuza that had created problems before, surprisingly, and that whilst it was still far better for her to remain in the dark on things, the outcome was likely to be far less gruesome than the two others had initially thought.

However, this trip had been only a brief interlude and Taiku was due to return promptly, at which case he made his goodbyes to both his grandfather and his parents before returning to the airport and lingering a while in the stores, a few things catching his eye as he continued to ponder over the question he was asking himself...

The Next Day, San Francisco

"You say it's a unique model, the only one of its kind....?"

"Indeed, sir. Are you sure you want it as it comes....?"

"Yes, it'll be fine like that...."

"Very good, Mr. Akimoto. I must say, it's good to see someone with taste--"

"Frankly, I picked it because I liked it better than the others. Taste has little to do with it."

"...Yes sir."

After taking the small bag he was handed, he slipped the card back into his wallet and into his pocket. He had made the purchase on something of an impulse, but he'd seen it several times before now. Regardless, he knew that tonight would be important to him, there was an answer to a question he had asked before that he could not yet find the answer for, and he could only hope that with the one person he would unleash the truest essence of himself around he would find that answer...

He would not wait long.

Later

Smiling lightly as he took her hand in his, gently threading his fingers through hers as the pair left the small restaurant, appetites sated and a bottle of wine fairly well demolished, reasonably more on Taikus part than Kiras, by all admission. The restaurant had been a particularly specific pick on his part tonight, not least for its proximity to the beach, and as he strolled lightly his path began to lead towards the sandy walkways a short distance away. Pausing to slip out of his footwear, he shrugged lightly with a faint smile as he tucked the shoes under an arm, allowing Kira to follow suit as the two paced down onto the sand.

The moon was bright, though it wasn't quite full, and it shimmered across the bay beautifully to illuminate the difference between the dry sand and that which the tide had began to sink away from, being much firmer and easier to walk on...Needless to say, his mind was something of a scramble at the moment as the two wandered along the tideline, but soon enough he found himself slowly padding through the slightest puddle of water as he came to a stop, turning to curl his free arm around her as the shoes were lightly dropped to the side, forgotten for the moment as he kissed her gently...

He would back up only briefly before catching her eyes with his own, a previously asked question entering his head as he asked himself once again...

'Do I have the right to all of this...? Do I have the right to be happy....?'

His arms softly wrapped around her, the bridge of his forehead resting against hers, he found his answer without words..His heart was his own, as was his remorse, but it was his choice which of them he allowed to dominate him, which of them he allowed to hold precedence. Taking a short step back from Kira, barely enough to part the two as his arms slipped away from her waist, his hand reached into the inner pocket of his coat. Pausing, he took a long, slow breath as he glanced at the moon once again, this time at the reflection on the still water, a shimmering puddle of silver....

"Kira, I...."

Shaking his head, he smiled weakly to himself before he slunk down, dropping to a knee....

"You're the most important thing in my life. I doubt I could ever tell you just how grateful I am to have met you, but let me try....."

His hand drew from his pocket, the small, cubic box held closed in the cradle of his hands as his head sat low, the words coming to him steadily as he spoke...

"Kira Karyuudo....."

His head rose slowly, knowing full well she would be aware of what was happening and only hoping to see anything besides a dumbstricken look on the girls face. Folding open the top of the ring box, he raised it up slightly so that she might see.

"...Will you marry me?"

[Kira Karyuudo, Hikari]

For Kira, it had been a nerve-wracking several months. As a matter of fact, it still was. School was a long way from being over yet she was already sorting out scholarship and college applications. The Kvist issue had rolled over...but still, she couldn't help but feel uneased. Everything seemed to rush by. Kazuki was gone again, back over to Japan; perhaps to do some visiting, or whether it was to assure himself Reiko's father was alright, or to assure Reiko's father she was alright. He hadn't really said all that much about it.

He'd even seemed a bit edgy when he came back, though she hadn't really dwelt on it, considering she had a paper, project, and exam all within the next day or so. She'd spent the day mowing through the paper, double-checking for errors. Her nose had been buried in a book she was using as reference material for putting the final touches on it. The exam was her AP US History class, but by the time she'd finished her previous two tasks, she was nearly begging herself for a break, wanting nothing more to do with the school work.

When Kazuki arrived home, he'd popped his head into her room and asked about dinner, finding her in a rather awkward position. She was sprawled out on the bed, partially on and partially off it, her head and a shoulder hanging off the edge and a foot propped on the pillows. She was contorted into something of a boomerang shape. She might have looked weird, but found it oddly comfortable. Kira, eager for the change it brought, agreed, smiling at him from behind the book in her hands.

~Later~

Dinner had been just the two of them, something that surprised - but pleased - her. She thought he might have wanted to eat out with everyone, update them on how things were going back in Japan with Reiko's father - as that was what she assumed he had been doing. The restaurant they'd eaten in, being as close to the water as it was, predominantly served seafood dishes. Because it was later in the evening, she'd picked something light to eat. The wine was rather tasty, even by Kira's standards; she wasn't a wine fanatic by any means, but could easily put up with a glass or two if it suited her taste. And at the end of it all, she'd managed to cajole Kazuki into sharing a dessert with her.

She found that he was full of surprises as they walked towards the beach and not back to the car, her hand caught up in his larger one. The two were caught in the moonlight on the sand, and even as she slipped out of the flat shoes she was wearing she gave him a bright smile, intent on attempting to ease the tension and edginess that still seemed to linger in him. The light shoes dangling from her fingers, she waded into the sea of sand with him, broken only by the receding tide. She stuck to the drier sand, toes wriggling freely through the soft grains as she moved alongside him. It was still summer, still warm, and a cool breeze caused a slight shiver to roll down her back as it teased her hair.

A gentle tug on her hand caused her to turn, the soft patter of his shoes hitting the slightly damp sand ringing in her ear before she found his lips pressed against hers. She was slightly surprised before she leaned up slightly, giving in and returning the kiss just as lightly as it was given to her. Her eyes fluttered open scant seconds after he pulled away slightly, blue orbs blinking almost owlishly a moment as they connected with his own. A slight, curving smile appeared on her lips as his forehead came down lightly against her own, hands slinking up to lightly settle on his shoulders. A sense of calm washed over her before fading slowly, leaving her feeling comfortable, even as he pulled away and her arms were sent back to her sides. She was blatantly confused as he reached into his coat, but remained silent; the only action a testament to what she was feeling was the slight tilt of her head and a raised eyebrow.

Her heart jack hammered in her chest as he dropped to one knee.

His words registered slowly, and unfortunately she would disappoint him, the dumbstruck look on her face not fading for several moments before awe and wonder shone through slowly. And finally, the weight of his question struck down upon her, making her knees shake. The glitter of hot and cold glimmered in the diamonds as the moonlight struck the facets. It was, in the most simple of words, beautiful.

"...Will you marry me?"

On weak legs, she sank down to sit on the dry sand as slowly as she could to disguise the trembles. Could she marry him? True, she did love him and he meant the world to her...but was she ready? School was another issue, but it was one that could be worked around, she knew. She was young, that was another factor. The Wedding Date was something that could be put off for some time - a year, even - if it would give her time. Still, it didn't mean she was ready to take such a huge leap. A soft sigh quivered out of her mouth and she blinked at him, reaching out to grasp the wrist that held the small box out to her, tugging him forwards. It was to bring him closer, yes, but also her attempt to keep him from turning away. Her voice was soft and quiet, the first word coming out a little tremulous before the next were even and steadily.

"Kazuki... I want you to know that I love you, and that I would happily marry you..." She didn't pause, but a lone thought rolled through her mind 'Please don't turn away.' She was so afraid he would. "But right now, I'm--I don't think I'm ready just yet. It's not a refusal...I just can't say 'yes' right now."

She held her breath, her hold on his wrist loosening as her hand slid down his, gently closing the box with a small click before curling her hand around his own, fingers squeezing in the gap between his thumb and index finger while her thumb softly stroked the back of his hand. Her heart still thumped wildly in her chest, now out of nerves rather than shock. She hadn't given a huge speech, but kept her words pure and simple, but she hoped that it would be enough...

[Kazuki Akimoto]

ooc: Because this was intended as a plot device in itself, I intend to make this reply short before continuing with another chapter on Hold On Hope another time. As such, this is brief. Sorry.

ic:

His heart froze at her actions, knowing full well her answer as she slunk down onto the sand underfoot...In that very moment, the reality of what he had done dawned onto him and his eyes closed out of a self-imposed instinct to protect himself from the inevitable. The breath he took was swift, as one would do in the onset of harm, and as he rose he took a very short step back as her palm caught his wrist. An action that whilst comforting, knowing she would find a much gentler way to turn away from the question than just saying 'No', did little to ease him at the moment. Easing himself forward a step, one longer than the backwards movement he'd made, he now stood in front of her, mentally seeing the bitter irony in the slightly reversed positions the pair now shared.

'What was I thinking....?'

Were it not for the anger at himself for the rash call of judgement he had made, it was very likely the man would have been unable to hold back his emotion as her words echoed in his head. Anger that, unfortunately, required a vent. The short tug as he gently took his wrist from her hand was accented by another step back as he stood a little away from her, pausing before he spoke a single word. He couldn't take this out on her...It wasn't fair to do so...

"I'm sorry. I....I don't know why I thought this was the right thing to do."

Steeling his breath as he neared her again, slipping down to her height, he leaned in to press his lips against her cheek as the ringbox was set into her hand. Drawing her into a hug, his lips spoke quietly at the side of her ear as he choked the words out.

"Keep it. When you're ready to take that step, you'll know I never changed my mind...."

Later

The artificial lights of the parking lot took over, glaringly bright and enough to make him squint as he pulled into the the free space and silently stepped from the vehicle...He'd not spoken much on the return journey and had shown no sign of changing that, and though he was still displaying affection, his tension was clear as they rode the elevator up...

Stepping out as the doors opened, he walked in pace with her until they entered the apartment, to which point he quickly kissed her cheek again and strode away, stopping only for the briefest of moments in the kitchen to pull a half-full bottle of liquor from a cupboard, filling a glass and walking out onto the balcony with the bottle in his free hand, sliding the door behind him. He desperately needed to think about what had happened, not so much for Kira rejecting his proposal, in a strange way he could understand that and now that logic got a look-in, he could thoroughly understand why. Still, that lingering anger had welled every time he wondered what had, in the first place, caused him to skew his own logic so much.

'Leave. Go home, hold that girl in your arms and ask yourself that very question. You'll find your answer faster than I can give it to you.'

Shaking his head, he backed up against the wall and slumped down, bringing a knee up against his chest.."Damnit old man, of all the times I could over-interpret you, this just had to be the time, didn't it?"

With that thought, he began to sip from his glass, his mind wandering over things as he pondered how the chances stood of the others finding out what had happened tonight...He wasn't sure exactly when, or exactly how, but he soon nodded off against the wall, his hand clutching a small strip of photos akin to those from a mall booth of him and Kira. Tonight had taken a far heavier toll on him mentally than he would have thought, but tomorrow would be a far worse day....

[Kira Karyuudo, Hikari]

The sand hissed balefully as indeed, he stepped away from her. In that moment, she felt the backlash of her words reflected onto her with his simple actions, and fairly withered even as he stopped. Her feet buried in the sand, she must have looked like some dark, exotic 'rose' sitting there, wasting away in the moonlight. Her hands sat limp upon her legs, edges of her skirt lifting and fluttering softly with the night breeze. Slowly, with the weight of the box in her hand, her fingers curled around it, eyes still downcast even as his lips were pressed against her cheek.

Only when the warmth of his arms was felt as they wrapped around her did she move, her own arms practically racing around him tightly, the small box pressing into his back as she curled into the embrace. His voice caused an answering quake to rush through her, and she ended up biting her lip to keep the sob back. She knew it would hurt him, but if she hadn't told him now, what would happen when she completely lost it closer to the date? Would their whole relationship fall apart then?

The box in her hands, so light, placed a heavy weight on them both, and even tomorrow in the sun, it would likely linger.

When his embrace softened, she merely tightened hers, keeping the two of them down on the sand, though she did relent to allow him to slip into a more comfortable position rather than the contorted half-kneeling one he was in. She wasn't ready to let go yet. On top of that, she wasn't sure if she'd be steady enough on her feet to get up and walk to the car. So for the moment, she took whatever comfort she could by leaning into him with her arms wrapped tight around his chest.

~Back Home~

As they walked from the elevator to the penthouse door, Kira slipped her free hand into his, gripping it firmly a moment before relaxing and slowly threading her fingers through his. She barely noticed anything once they'd moved inside the door, until a chill settled over her as Kazuki moved away down the hall, the fading warmth on her cheek the only tell-tale sign of contact being made there. Soft blue eyes watched him walk away before she turned to her own room and walked inside, the door shutting softly behind her.

The ring box was stashed beneath her pillow; to keep it near and safe. After she'd changed and showered, a sense of restlessness had slinked over her and she couldn't see any real reason to attempt to sleep...here. She'd known he went outside, but chances were fairly good he'd move back to his own room later...right? Frowning, the slim girl slid out of her room and down the hall towards the curling staircase, turning to the left silently afterwards and easing into her boyfriend's room. A simple flick of a nearby lamp had the room glowing it's regal dark red colour. Dark, masculine, and powerful. The bed she moved to was dark as well, though the covers and fabric were a rich, dark black.

It suited him perfectly, and Kira found herself comforted by the familiar smell the room held, more so between the sheets as she slid in silently.

"Now it's just a waiting game..." She whispered to herself, hands clenching at the blankets as she sought whatever comfort they could give her. Perhaps when he came up, he would be comforted by sleeping near her. What seemed like hours passed slowly, and as Kira's eyes dragged down slowly, she found herself wondering...just what he had meant earlier.

The next thing she knew, her eyes snapped open and she found herself sitting upright in the dark bed, apparently having been restless enough to manoeuvre herself into a sitting position during her sleep. Blinking owlishly, she glanced about for a clock as she noticed he hadn't come to bed. 4:03am.

A worried frown at her lips, she slid out of the warmth she had horded underneath the blankets and tiptoed out of the room and back downstairs, looking on the living room couches in the pre-dawn light that peered through the huge windows. A nervous flutter shot through her stomach as she slowly pushed the sliding door open leading to the balcony, shivering at the cool air as it caressed her skin, sneaking through the fabric of the tank top and boxers she wore.

When she spotted him slumped against the wall, unmoving, she bit back a cry and slowly padded over, her feet protesting to the cold cement with every step she took before she crouched next to him, wanting to wake him but afraid of startling him out of sleep. Her stomach twisted itself into a knot as she leaned forwards, his name uttered as a soft whisper:

"Kazuki..." It was so quiet, she doubted it'd be enough to even breech his subconscious, so she leaned in, pressing her lips softly, cautiously, timidly, against his own before whispering his name again, louder. When he woke up, she offered a small, soft smile, lightly reaching up to brush her fingers against his cheek. It didn't matter if he scowled or not, but her stomach was still bunched up, coming undone very, very slowly.

Gently, she shifted the cup and bottle back away from him, hands seeking his in the dim light; the feel of a small piece of...paper had her blinking a moment at it in curiosity, but nevertheless clenching it between their hands as she moved to her feet, silently urging him to get up in cooperation as well. She didn't know if she would be able to get back to sleep, but even if she couldn't...she'd at least feel better for dragging him back inside.

"Come." Her tone was soft and inviting, yet held a firmness in the simple command that said she'd take any argument he hand and toss it to the ground. She would lead him inside and upstairs, even if he didn't want to.

[Kazuki Akimoto]

'Kazuki'

The second call of his name managed to slightly rouse him from his slumber, along with her embrace, and as his eyes slowly opened he blinked a moment against the artificial light of the balcony. The darkness beyond loomed over the city, the only signs of life over San Francisco the man-made artifacts of industry and economy, and whilst his eyes adjusted to focus on the face in front of him, he needed no sight at this moment.

"Kira...?"

A longer blink, his eyes tightening as he mentally shook out the fog before he looked up to her a moment, his head craning uncomfortably on his neck, the joints stiff and aching from the awkward angle as he realised he was still outside, cogently this time and not in the surreal manner he had done before. Before he spoke again, however, she rose to her feet and set about leading him to his own...Reluctantly, though moreso at the faintly cramped muscles than anything else, a quiet groan escaped his lips as he slipped one of his hands from her grip, bracing it against the wall to assist himself to his feet. Only then however, did he remember that he was in fact still a little drunk as he swayed briefly, steadying himself against the wall before giving a brief smile at the girl who had come to bring him in from the cold.

He remembered the photos in his hand, however, and he deliberately loosened her grip on his hand to keep her from accidentally crushing them or creasing them, slipping them into his pocket before curling the arm around her waist slowly, allowing her to lead him.

'Despite my coldness to her earlier, she will still tend to me like this?'

The stairs were manouvered with minimal catastrophe, and though his eyes were barely open for most of the walk he recognised the path internally as one toward his room. Likely she planned to make sure he didn't end up falling on the floor or whatever before heading back to bed...Though, he was a touch curious at the already open door. Stepping in, he paused and looked around a moment, stepping away from her as he pulled off the majority of his clothes, letting the garments fall to the floor at the side of the bed before he he took another look...

He had a meticulous streak about this room, whilst he might mess things up on an evening, it was cleaned spotlessly daily, but the covers were thrown back on the bed and...the scent in the room was different. It was....Kiras?

That revelation alone was further sealed as she had made her way to the other side of the bed, climbing into the covers again as he gave a small frown. Not so much at the actions themselves, lord knows he had no place to try and make head or tail of them at the moment, mainly just at trying to process the moment. Instead, he found himself pushing the door closed slowly and climbing into the bed himself next to her, wrapping his arm gently around the girls slim frame.

"This is your choice....?"

"It is."

A short nod through the dark, his body shifting as he leaned over to draw her closely to him. Catching her lips in a slow, lingering kiss, the pads of his fingers tracing across the length of her spine, he felt a brief moment of euphoric calm emerge...He had spent a lot of his life alone, had spent even more of it with nobody to share the warmth of his bed. It had never really been something he'd worried over, something to concern a man who whilst enjoying the intimacy and companionship of a relationship had never thought so deeply into such things, but still...

It was.....nice.

Had there been any remaining light in the room, she would likely have seen a flicker of a smile emerge on his face a moment before he shifted his neck slightly, nipping his teeth against the top of her shoulder a moment.

"Goodnight, Kira."