Breakdown (Sedrix Only, Possibly Mature)

[victor]

OOC: This is not intended to be a fight, but an interaction thread. If Victor lashes out, just try to restrain him, not fight him, okay? Also, this first post has some DEFINITE HEAVY CONTENT. You have been warned.

He was walking quicker. Quicker than usual.

He knew people were talking about him today. He had been acting strangely lately and he knew it. Spacing out in classes for no reason, forgetting what his teachers told him even if he had been paying attention, forgetting his locker combination, having dizzy spells, and to top it off he had been getting more aggressive with students. People were talking about him in the hallways. He had heard his name mentioned and word was getting around quickly. He hoped Sedrix wouldn't hear.

Antisocial personality disorder... He had actually taken the trouble to look up the diagnosis when he began to experience signs of it. He had been aware of it since who knows how long and he would have it for the rest of his life. But that didn't mean he couldn't live a normal life, did it? That didn't mean he was doomed, did it? Of course it didn't.

Victor moved up the stairs quickly, almost running. He had been undergoing a change over a period of time, gradual, but definite. Ever since Varron, the seed had been planted. The seed of... of...

Emotion.

All the information Victor had read said that sociopaths experienced a limited range of human emotion, or nothing at all. That would explain why he felt utterly no remorse for the things he had done through his life or the things he was doing now. But ever since he had met Sedrix, something had taken root. He had begun to feel a bit of the childhood innocence he had felt when he was younger, the feelings of love his parents had given him. He didn't love Sedrix in that way of course, but he did respect him as an ally and... yes, as a friend.

Sedrix had allowed him to feel emotions again, to fill up the cold void that had allowed him to detach himself from everything and remain so calm and powerful. His exterior was cracking and he didn't know if he could take it. And despite the fact he didn't want to admit it, he was beginning to realize things. How stupid he had been, how pointless his life was, and... worst of all...

How lonely he was...

Victor threw open the door to the roof. Right away he came face to face with a thug of sorts as he normally did when he came on the roof. The guy was taller than him and loader with muscle. Typical thug build.

"Hey there bitch. You got lost or something?"

Victor didn't respond.

"Hey bitch, I'm talking to you. When I speak to you, you answer me. Or do you want me to smash your face in?"

Victor still didn't respond.

"Alright bitch, I'm gonna pound you into pudding now. Hope your happy bitch."

The word "bitch" reverberated in Victor's head and something in his brain snapped. As the guy's fist swiped out at him in a roundhouse punch, Victor reached out and twisted the guy's wrist so hard that it broke. The thug screamed and knelt down on one leg.

His emotions raging out of control, Victor stepped in, grabbed the thug's other arm, straightened it out and slammed his fist down on the guy's elbow, breaking that too. As the thug screamed, Victor seized him by the shoulders and stood him up, driving two straight punches into his ribs, cracking them, but not quite breaking them by the sound. He followed this up with two punches to the guy's face, breaking his nose which began to bubble out blood.

Victor just couldn't stop. He was out of control. He shoved the guy back to his knees and used his sharp fingernails to rip open jagged slash marks across his arms. Victor didn't just scratch. He dug his fingers into the meat so he fingernails could really sink in. All the while the poor, battered fool was screaming and screaming as his arms were butchered.

Finally, Victor drove two more punches into the guy's face, blackening his eyes, knocking him out. Barely aware of what he was doing anymore, Victor brought the guy's face forward and tore open both sides of his cheek with his teeth, smearing the guy's blood across his face and mouth. At long last, Victor showed mercy and dropped him to the ground.

The guy was a bloody mess. He would survive, but he would be hospitalized. Only one little bit left to do. There was a step ladder near the door and powerful masking tape in his bag. Soon it would be over.

Victor stood the mutilated sap up and carried him to the wall along with the step ladder and took out the masking tape. It took many minutes, but at last, his handiwork was done. The thug, by use of masking tape across his wrists and legs, had been crucified to the wall, the blood from his arms and mutilated face dripping onto the ground.

Victor stepped back and sat against the wall. He was weary and saddened. The emotions came back in a flood and he realized suddenly that he was breaking down from pain, loneliness, and... depression...

"I am alone and depressed..." Victor thought. "Not just like a regular teenager would be, but because..."

Because of what?

"Because of my own hand." he thought. "Because of my illness and because of what I am."

He couldn't take it. He didn't want anyone to see this. He was eighteen and was thus considered a man. Men did not show tears. At least, that was what he believed.

Victor pulled the hood of his black sweater over his face and let the tears come. Quiet, gasping sobs beginning to rack his body. He was shivering as he began to realize for the first time in his life that he was alone.

[Sedrix West]

Is not life as such? The day was such a typical example of what eccentritical people would refer to as 'Irregular', but what most yobs in this schoo lwould clasify as 'Normal'. School sucked. Sedrix just wanted to come here, forget those terrible things he had done, and start again. Pass his exams, get a job, like any normal person. This dream was shattered by the lack of control in this school. Ninety percent of lession were cut short by various issues, most of which being violence, the rest of it being a blatant disrespect for teachers.

Sedrix drew on the cover of his notebook as class went on. Every two minutes the teacher needed to stop and shush a certain rudager. That one would be sent out soon, which would cause an uproar from his cronies. Sedrix doodled, mostly just stick men, which barely resembled him and his girlfriend Raven, the only shine of hope left in his life. He was not stupid enough to cover up the facts, he had few friends in this school. He considered a few collegues, then a few aquaintences, but not the relationship he needed with a friend.

How could he? It was like since he moved here he was labeled an outcast. Not surprising. He was a cery short way away from being clinically insane. he almost stabbed himself in a church once, and he had killed someone. He went around dressed in gothic clothing, with his hair covering his face. It was like wearing an illuminated "Fuck You" sign on his back. But he has changed, he has changed. He as normal as he could be for a nearly-seven-footer.

He doodled stickmen on the front of his book, some of them killing eachother in a comical way, some of which kissing, some of which just with funny faces, anything to keep him sane until he could go see Raven again. He needed socialising right now. Raven ahd gone off on a job, she was a chef, so Sedrix was alone tonight, and he meant alone.

The thing closest he had to a friend was Victor. They had met several times, mostly for sparring, but nevertheless there was a connection there. Undoubtably. There goes the sudent, sent out, and here comes the uproar. Sedrix re packed his book and stationary, and left the classroom, ignoring the jeers from the students, and shouting from the teacher, he never looked back. He moved to his locker, dumping all his stuff. He did not have any work to do.

He left the school as the bell rang. He sat on the wall for a while, looking amongst the crowd for someone to talk too. He felt a little down, searching someone out for a little social activity, what a lame ass. He noticed a small gathering of people, all covering there mouths, and gasping, pointing up in the direction of the roof. His phone echoed in his pocket, sedrix answered, slightly panicked, "Yeah?"

It was a collegue of his, Jake, calling to say there was something sick on the roof, he did not say what it was, but he said Victor was invloved. Sedrix stood instantly, breaking out into a run, having to stop at the massive gathering of home-awaiting students. He darted inbetween manically. Bargin a few people out the way with a heart filled apology. The queue took him through to halfway down a corridor when it dispersed. He sprinted up all the stories of the large school.

He came to the door of the roof and looked out the small plated window. "Holy shit..." He saw a hooded kid, he could only guess was Victor sitting down on the edge of the roof, and... he could only describe it as te contents of a freezer at a butcher shop hanging on the wall. He shoved the door through, picking up his phone, and dialing three digits quickly, "What the fuck?" He said frantically, "Ambulance please, Hiricine high, you'll see why when you arrive." He said wuickly before hanging up and attending to Victor.

"Shit man, what happened?" He asked, his voice raised. He had not seen his pain. He looked into his hood to see the tears streaming down his face... he probably just made the situation worse... "Oh fuck man..." He said, his voice far lowered. He approached him slowly, and quite catiously. Victors face looked vague and distant, but enraged nonetheless. "Victor?..." Sedrix asked catiously, now in Victors range. He would not fight back. He would take anything Victor could hit him with.

He was shivering violently. Sedrix wanted to go to him, and comfort him, but he wanted some sort of response. It began to rain... pathetic falacy indeed. "Vic, please..."

[victor]

The rain was pattering down on him, a fine mist as the sky slowly darkened. Strange, things like this only happened in movies when something bad happened. Maybe the visionaries and poets were on to something.

Somebody was approaching, but he didn't look up. Tears were running down his face and he continued to weep steadily. Memories rushed through his head. Memories of all his lies, his manipulations, his work with that psychopath Kvist, everything. It was crazy. He was aware that he could actually SEE these things in front of him. That wasn't good. When you started seeing things that blocked out everything else... oh dear God...

Victor began to rock back and forth. Already his mind was beginning to conjure images in front him. Images of losing his freedom, images of hospitals, images of smiling, friendly doctors ready to talk to him and work with him to see what the problem was, images of a nice single room with a bed for him to shiver in for who knows how long and all he had to do was eatsleepandtakeHISMEDICINEVERYFUCKINGDAY-

"Victor...?"

He saw a familiar face peering into his hood. It was Sedrix. Oh how good to see a familiar face. He needed somebody who cared about him more than anything right about now. And that was what mattered in life, right? Having people who cared about you? That was what kept you from getting sick. People would have used the term "going crazy" but most people didn't know what that really meant anyway.

So why was Sedrix' face becoming so blurry?

And why was his mind beginning to play tricks on him?

No matter how strong he got, all of his matches ended in either a loss or a draw. With Sedrix, he didn't mind it at all because he was fond of him. But with the others-particularly Stern Mason and the legendary Adam Rydell-it wasn't acceptable. Even back in Varron when he had taken on a former Hand of Fate lieutenant to prove himself to his monster of a boss, the match had been interrupted. And against Dante... Victor had been arrogant and he could have done so much better...

No matter how much he kept improving, it was never enough. He had his eyes set on several students for challenges. Some very powerful students at that. He wanted to fight them. Even if he couldn't defeat them, he wanted to give them the fight of their lives and make them remember him. And it would happen. Yet he couldn't even beat the weaker students. And his performance in the tournaments, particularly against the punk from Gilsin's gang of Nazi's...

Sedrix was becoming more obscure to him. And suddenly he could hear-actually hear something in his head.

In Victor's mind...

"You ARE weak, you know that?"

"I'm not!"

"It doesn't matter what you do. You'll never become strong. Not to mention you'll never find any girl to love you."

"Shut up! Shut UP!"

"You couldn't even befriend that Japanese girl you met on the roof, could you? It's not because she was shy and demure. It was because people like you aren't worthy of being around people!"

"SHUT THE FUCKING HELL UP!"

"Or what? You can't even be called a sociopath. Sociopaths don't have breakdowns and disorganized thinking like you. They are calm, collected, and have no problem handling their emotions. You? You're just sick."

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"

"You can't rid of yourself man. Face it: You'll always be a weak fighter, you'll never find a lover here, eventually Sedrix will see what a monster you are and leave you as well, and you'll never have anything! Your plate will always be EMPTY!"

In reality...

Victor slowly rose to his feet, his hands dangling to his sides. He had only noticed his fingernails. They were long, thick, and sharp, not just from natural growth, but because over the past few weeks he had taken the time to file them into dangerously long, sharp points to be used for slashing. How else had he been able to rip up the poor sap on the wall? His face was obscured by his hood and Sedrix was still in front of him. The full fury of his illness and obsessions finally took over. He could take it no more...

"Hiricine..." Victor muttered. "Hiricine... Varron... Rydell... Dante... Kvist... Stern... all of 'em... GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

A long, terrifying, war cry ripped out Victor's throat like the sound of some rabid animal and he rushed at Sedrix, completely unaware of what was going on. He couldn't see Sedrix. He couldn't see, hear or smell at all. He was aware of the students he wanted to fight! He had to FIGHT them! He had to KILL them! He WANTED THEM GOD DAMNIT! HE WOULD GET STRONGER AND GET A LOVER!

He was slashing with his fingers and kicking like a madman. He didn't know if he was striking his target or not. He was only aware of what he wanted and how bad he wanted it...

OOC: Remember, it's not a fight. Just try to restrain him and calm him down. Have fun!

[Sedrix West]

Victor looked at Sedrix for a moment, though his face was not happy, enlightened, enriched, it was nothing. He looked at him with mild confusion. He hid his face again. Rocking gently back and forth, there were serious issues here. He remember'd what he said in the gym not two days ago...

"But that is behind me now. After Varron was shut down, Kvist's group got mixed up and I took that time to cover my tracks. For all I know, Kvist doesn't know about me, and if he does, he doesn't care. Although if he did... well... his gang had a saying... nobody leaves the hand of fate alive..."

Was this all that was worrying? Most people could barely imagine, the feeling of constant insecurity, wanting to check over your shoulder every minute, becoming suspicious of every noise, every creak, every person. He could hardly imagine what it was like. It was like he knew he was going to be killed, and it could be at any time. It was the wait that was killing him slowly...surely...

His eyes became less focused, his head more bowed, his shook his head sharply, and at random. Sedrix moved slightly close, "Victor, speak to me." He said instructively, "Come on man, i'm your mate, you can talk to me." he said again. A few moments passed before Sedrix rose to his feet slowly, and creepily. This was either good, or ery bad indeed. His long, sharp nails clashed like a sword against a sheath.

He said but one word, Sedrix could hardley make it out. Sedrix moved back slowly, subtley, but just as catiously. He was not sure what Victor would do, but the atmosphere, what he was witnissing, a selfish, but intellegent person would turn and run. He said the word again, 'Hiricine', he started naming people in the school, some of the great fighters, his voice increased in volume and cynisim, as his head slowly raised.

He screamed, it echoed throughout the school, and Sedrix's skull. Before he could even raise his hand Victor was attacking malliciously, and without holding back. His knife like hands came at Sedrix. He saw the glint of his eyes, the fear and confusion on his face, it was not him. It was like he was possessed more than anything. Sedrix did not know what to do. 'Knock him out? Fight back? no... just, try and stop him, don;t hurt him'

Four, cold as steel, horrible slices came up his chest. The marroon thick liquid drained out his chest. Sedrix flinced and gritted his teeth. "Come on Victor, come back, this isn't you." He had to pause to let out a sharp, short howl as Victor kicked him hard, "This isn't you man!" Sedrix screamed as another slash came, accross his cheek, a shallow wound. "You don't want to do..." he was interupted as another slash came accross his chest.

Sedrix roared like a wounded bear, his endurance could only take so much, he had to step to the side, and Victor kicked him in the back as he went. Sedrix tuned, as the claw came for him, Sedrix caught it. "COME ON VICTOR MAN,YOU AIN'T A PSYCHO" A punch landed on Sedrix's wounded cheek, and on withdrawel, Sedrix caught that too. "LISTEN TO ME."

Sedrix's wounds blead, but not enough that he would pass out any time soon. He was not too vitally wounded, it hurt a lot more than it did damage. Victor fought his restraints, Sedrix could only hope he see's the light before he's decapitated.

[victor]

He wasn't aware of what he was doing. It seemed that his instincts were guiding him toward whoever was in front of him. Victor was attacking like an animal deprived of it's young, and all the while he could hear that voice in his head telling him he would never be good enough, his ambitions were pointless, and his hopes would never be realized.

He could hear somebody's voice telling him to stop, that this wasn't him. The voice was hazy and distant, but it was also familiar. He knew it from somewhere. It was calling out to him. Trying to bring him out of the darkness.

Victor suddenly felt his limbs restrained. His target was holding him down. Victor thrashed his captured limbs like a madman, but it was like trying to escape a straitjacket. Enraged, Victor began to lash his head forward, snapping with his teeth. He didn't know if he was biting anything.

"LISTEN TO ME!"

Sedrix' voice came through the haze loud and clear. How could Victor have been so stupid as to have missed it? He did not know. The dark haze began to break apart. His rage began to subside.

He could see everything again. Victor's hood had fallen back, showing his jet black hair, normally so tidy and straight, now scraggly because he had not been brushing it, a sign of depression. Victor's expression was one of blank shock, the look of a man who has momentarily forgotten not just an important memory, but memory itself.

But that was nothing compared to Sedrix.

Sedrix looked like he had been fighting a leopard. His chest and face bore deep claw marks which were bleeding profusely. There was a deep bruise on his cheek where Victor's fist had connected. Victor looked at his hand and saw there was fresh blood on his fingers, blood which was being washed away by the rain which was falling much harder now. Sedrix looked very worried. What had happened?

That was a dumb question. He knew already.

Victor felt terribly weary. Had he really done this to Sedrix? Jeez, had he really DONE this? No, surely he couldn't have... right? But he knew it was true. Oh lord... Oh dear lord...

In his head, he heard mocking laughter.

"Sedrix..." Victor said blandly. "Oh God, Sedrix, I..."

Tears welled up in Victor's eyes. He tried to force them back, but he couldn't. He hated crying. He fucking HATED it. Men didn't show tears, at least not in his book, so why did he feel so... so...

He couldn't hold it back anymore. Victor wrenched out of Sedrix' powerful grip with all his might and embraced the taller boy. Victor pressed his face into Sedrix' chest and began to sob. His sobs were loud and nerve wracking, shaking his body. All the while Victor kept whimpering "I'm sorry!" over and over again like a child.

For the first time in his life, Victor wished he were dead.

OOC: For the record, this is not going to be yaoi, even though Victor has his face pressed into Sedrix. Just thought I would clear that up, 'kay? ;D

[Sedrix West]

ooc: Man, so sorry it took ages, busy time! Thanks for being so patient with me.

As Sedrix held Victor, restraining him desperately. As he cried to Victor's what seemed like sub-concious, he had no answer. Suddenly, he said tose words, he cried those words. Suddenly, Victor loosened, he stopped. Sedrix could almost see the rage subsiding from his eyes. He thought he got through to him, but he did not let go, Sedrix was already hurt, pretty badly. He cuts were deep, his bruises were firm.

Victors hood fell back, as the shadows from his eyes left with it. His black hair was messy, and unkempt. He seemed to be truely depressed, as if it were pointless. Sedrix could understand, he had once tried to kill himself, stab himself in the chest, in a church back in varron. Junpei saved him, it seemed it was Sedrix's turn to save someone. Rain fell hard as Victor fell from his stupor. His expression was one of huge confusion, he had stopped fighting his restraints. He looked at Sedrix up and down, then at his hands, it seemed he was putting two and two together.

Victor spoke...little, but enough for Sedrix to realise he was truely repentant pf his actions, also that he did not realise that he was doing it. Sedrix released his grip as Victor wrenched from it. His eyes were glistened with tears. Victor pressed himself into Sedrix. As much as it hurt his chest, he comforted him none the less. His chest was scratched pretty badly. He apologised repetitavely.

"It's okay man, it's okay." Sedrix truely understood how he felt. He had been in a similar state, maybe not quite as bad, but also suicidally depressed. The rain washed the crimson blood down Sedrix's body. Sedrix justr comforted him for a few minutes. Victor was a ture friend, and he hated seeing friends like this.

[victor]

OOC: No problem. I'm patient.

The rain poured down on them, washing the blood off of them and onto the ground. It was very cold out now and he was shivering, both from the cold and his own emotional storm. Even his body had begun to ache, a sign he was stressed beyond the breaking point.

He could hear Sedrix whispering words of comfort to him, but only slightly. Victor was sobbing so hard he could barely hear anything. His face was pressed into Sedrix, smearing blood onto his face. Victor's tears probably stung the wounds, but Sedrix didn't seem to mind. After all, the two of them were mates, as Sedrix would put it. Mates looked out for each other.

He didn't know how long he kept it up. He just kept on weeping into Sedrix' chest, trembling from the force of his sobs, choking that he was sorry over and over again. It seemed like he could go on forever if only he could just make the pain stop. God, just make the pain STOP.

Finally, at long last, the sobs began to ebb away to gentle weeping. He let go of Sedrix and stepped away from him. He finally had a clear look at Sedrix. God DAMN... He had been mauled, hacked up as if with a series of knives, and his body bore a series of bruises. Man, oh man... Jeez...

Victor looked bad himself, but compared to Sedrix it was nothing. His hair was still long as ever, but it was scraggly and unkempt. His eyes were red from all the crying, and bore an obvious expression of depression. And of course, Victor's face was streaked with tear stains.

"I'm so sorry." Victor said one last time. "I haven't been myself lately. It's not just that people have been talking about me. I... haven't been myself the past few weeks, Sedrix. If you've been listening Sedrix in the hallways and cafeteria, I'm sure you've heard the students whispering about me..."

He suddenly realized if he could talk to anyone, he could talk to Sedrix. He wasn't a psychologist or psychiatrist, but he could offer friendly advice, and that was what he needed right now.

"I need to talk to you Sedrix. Right now." Victor said, wiping the last few tears out of his eyes with his sleeve. "I think I know why I've finally broken down." He went back toward the wall-keeping his distance from the butchered student-and sat against the wall where he had been before.

He looked at Sedrix again and his eyes grew fearful. "The only thing is you have to promise me you will still trust me after this and not view me as... like some of the other students in this place." Those words caused him to begin to weep silently again.

[Sedrix West]

ooc: Man it's been almost three weeks, sorry for fucking you about so much. I recently broke up with my girlfriend, so i have been pretty inactive. Sorry for the wait man. ;D

Victor was so almost past breaking point, almost beyond help. His body shivvered with the horrendous cold, the rain had now streaked through all their clothing, and the frosty wind chilled them to the bone. Victor sobbed loud an hard into Sedrx's chest, his wounds stung, but he did not let go, it would only tear Victor up worse, be that possible. He looked out for him, and besides, i think in a reversed situation, Victor would do the same for Sedrix.

He quietened down, eventually. Victor stepped away, and the colour ran from his face as he saw Sedrx's mauled chest. It hurt, but he could bear it. The wounds and pounds were not fatal, but they did hurt, a lot. Victor looked worst though. His face was pale, tear streaked. His hair was scruffy, greasy, he looked terrible. His eyes were almost transparent, and they were massively shadowed around his face.

Victor apologised once more in full conciousness. Of course, there was no need, it was clear he was not himself, it was like he was possessed. There were rumours about him, most of which Sedrix disgarded as nothing but a chinese whisper effect, but some of them must have been true. Unbelieveable.

Victor asked for his consult, which he was more than happy to give of course. He wiped his face on his sleeve, and fell back against the wall, thudding to the floor, a good distance away from the crucified student. Sedrix sat next to him in a similar manner. He spoke, and asked that Sedrix's opinion of him never changed. There was a pause in Sedrx's speech before he declared,

"Victor, there was a dark time in my life, which was so like you are now. I killed two people, a ripped my back open, almost died from blood lost, and i almost killed myself in a church." He said, as he clutched his cross necklace, "I wished no one would look at me differently, the fact they did made me even more depressed. I will never look at you differently, you will always be the same to me."

He patted his shoulder in comfort, and waited for response.