Post by Kira Karyuudo, Hikari on Dec 22, 2006 20:03:47 GMT 1
___________________________
Shattered Memories
Memories,
A fragile thing,
So easily twisted and bent,
Even easier to break.
The memory of a past love,
Bright and dark at the same time,
Fills my mind, heart and soul,
With warmth and a chilling cold.
Memories long past,
The fear, exhaustion and pain,
Vividly remembered as if it had just happened,
Tear at the fabric of my mind.
A scream errupts,
Though no sound is heard,
From crimson lips,
But the sounds from within the memory.
A crash, shattering what's left,
The memory of family and friends,
Lying in pieces,
Deep within the recesses of my mind.
Shattered memories,
Like the glass lying at my feet,
Shards of what it used to be,
Forever broken.
___________________________
Breaking Me
Don’t you know?
Can’t you see?
Every slight shove,
Every small refusal…
It’s breaking me.
(Breaking me)
Why do you push me (away)?
I don’t see why.
But I know I feel.
Every crack, every splinter,
And it’s killin’ me.
Have you felt pain this deep?
Know that it’s there to stay.
It’s with me now,
But I can’t say,
That it’s hurting me.
Simple affection, heartfelt words,
Don’t last when I’m alone.
So hold me close,
Don’t let me fall.
Please, love me.
I’m safe for now,
Until the time comes,
That you do this again.
You distance yourself (from me).
It shatters me.
Don’t you know?
Can’t you see?
Every simple shove,
Every small refusal…
It’s breaking me.
(Breaking me)
___________________________
Fake Reality[/i][/u]
Naught to fear.
Nothing to be.
The way I feel,
It’s melancholy.
Can you understand?
Grasp what it is I’m saying?
I’ll only say it once,
So I hope you’re listening.
This loneliness eats me,
It leaves me unloved.
It cuts me deeper,
Than any physical blade.
You see I’m here,
Do you know why?
You seem perplexed.
Here goes, one more try:
Depression holds me,
Its icy clutch tight.
It’s slowly choking me,
I fear and loath it so.
There’s nothing I can do,
And nothing more to say.
You’ve left me, you know.
You’ve left me here alone.
Desire to be held is wrought,
Of fine emotions tied,
Threads strung together,
To withstand the sands of time.
Here is how I see it,
This fragile bond that once was,
It’s fading fast right now.
Will it be whole again?
Can it be repaired,
And be what it once was?
Or is this all a dream,
Some sort of fake reality?
___________________________
Let It Burn[/u][/i]
You can’t stop it.
It tears me up within.
If you want to know,
I’ll show what I can.
This searing pain,
Cuts me quick.
It festers constantly.
Ever growing.
This swell of emotion,
Flames rising.
Passion, depression.
Let it burn.
Everything simmers.
I’ll let you take a look.
Can I scorch you?
Do you see inside [of me]?
This constant crest,
Complex yet so simple.
It’s driving me
I fear I shan’t stop.
This swell of emotion,
Flames rising.
Anger, desperation.
Let it burn.
Burning me, I
Feel it always.
Shouting, crying,
Bleeding internally.
Emotional blood,
White hot and ice cold.
Struggle to break free.
Never ceasing.
This swell of emotion.
Flames rising
Uncontrollable, unstoppable.
Let it burn.
___________________________
Our Eternity[/i][/u]
What once was an idle heart,
Is yours to forever place claim.
Some unspoken words whispered,
Calling to what seemed to be stone.
Yet the stone was alive,
Simply waiting for someone.
Waiting to be called.
Waiting to be held – loved.
Do you realize what I mean?
This shall be an eternity.
Body, mind, and soul.
Never ceasing, ever growing.
What if I told you how it used to be?
Would you sit amazed at it all?
Sorrow, fear, and loneliness.
All shadowed what lay beneath.
Now what if I told you about now?
I’m nearly a new person, you see.
Do you know who changed it all?
No, there was only one person.
Do you realize who I mean?
This shall be our eternity.
Body, mind, and soul.
Never ceasing, ever growing.
So much, you’ve done for me.
I can only hope to repay you in fraction.
I will show you in every way,
Just how you make me feel.
Feeling the joy of simple pleasures.
I’ll share them with you,
These wonderful emotions,
Are here to stay.
Do you realize that it’s real?
I belong to you, as you belong to me.
Body, mind, and soul.
This is our eternity, now and forever.
___________________________
Guiding Light[/u][/i]
Where are you now,
My angel of the night?
My guiding force,
Through thick and thin.
Before it was something,
How bright it was.
I could see my way,
You’ve stood by me.
Warm and fragile light,
You were my great comfort.
Now it’s cold and dark,
As it had once been.
There was a time when,
Among other things said,
I thought I could bear myself.
To you, and only you.
You see, what you offered,
Protection and comfort.
Priceless gifts to me,
As much as any gold or jewel.
Warm and fragile light,
You were my great comfort.
Now it’s cold and dark,
As it had once been.
This world I wander now:
Stale, cold, and malicious,
Frightens me so much.
It’s so unexplainable.
It has filled me with terror,
And an indescribable sorrow.
Angel of the night,
Why did you leave me now?
Warm and fragile light,
You were my great comfort.
Now it’s cold and dark,
As it had once been.
___________________________
Shadow’s Form[/u][/i]
The shadow following me
Is a dark presence.
I pray you all won’t notice it,
For you do not need to know.
Just the single thought
Of this looming figure
Torments me.
This is killing me slowly.
Figure clothed in black,
Why do you follow me?
What is your purpose,
Powerful dark angel?
You reek of despair,
You radiate sorrow.
I have known you,
In this span of time.
In this realm,
I have not known apathy.
How I wish I might have had
The chance to know it now.
Figure bathed in darkness,
Why do you follow me?
What is your purpose,
My shadowed angel?
You are so familiar now,
I was mistaken before.
This is not killing me,
This is completely different.
A comfort you are now.
I can’t believe I was so blind.
You see, I know who you are,
And I know why you’re here.
Figure cloaked by shadows,
Please, reveal yourself to me.
Your purpose is to be with me.
My love, the shadow’s form.
___________________________
Sunset[/i][/u]
I sit here, alone,
Watching the sun set.
Soft breeze in the air,
Such simple comforts.
Here I am, of course,
Thinking these deep thoughts.
Shall today be the end of all?
Or will it be my own fatality?
Darkening skies,
Comfort me as I drift,
Between imagined and real.
Protect me, will you?
The sunset skies,
Give me time to reflect.
This feeling is growing...
What is it? Loneliness.
Not all comforts are equal.
Not all thoughts are of joy.
Here it is I stay for now,
Watching this dazzling sky.
Darkening skies,
Comfort me as I drift,
Between imagined and real.
Protect me, will you?
Protect me from my thoughts.
(And) These aching, burning feelings.
Tormenting, yet they fill me.
They fill me with longing.
The sky bleeds brilliant crimson.
Does it want for its own demise?
You’ve left me, my light,
Just as the sun is leaving me now.
Darkening skies,
You do not offer comfort,
Nor do you offer protection.
You bring the darkness in your wake.
___________________________
When You Come Back[/u][/i]
When you come back,
It creates mixed emotions,
And I can barely think straight.
And you cannot see me.
Trembling in frustration,
I try to reason with myself.
You didn’t mean to do that?
You hadn’t meant to leave me?
What shall I do,
When you come back?
Do I hold you close?
Or do I turn away?
I can’t say what I want to,
I fear to drive you away.
I can only stare hopelessly,
And try to explain.
I’m glad for this screen.
It separates us,
And you can’t see
That this tears me up.
What shall I do,
When you come back?
Do I seek solace in your arms?
Or do I stay in this dark void?
I’m trembling from this tide.
Each emotion written upon my face.
I’m grateful you can’t see me cry.
Silent tears, painful tears.
Each time you leave me,
A knife is thrust through my heart.
This beautiful agony,
I know I would wait for you forever.
What shall I do,
When you come back this time?
Shall I cling tightly, never let go?
Or shall I lock myself in sorrow again?
___________________________
Unending Dream
I lie here,
Between the realms
Of waking and slumber.
Oh, what it is I see.
Peaceful calm steals over,
Causing me to sigh, content.
This state is too pleasant;
I know I’m only dreaming.
I hope this will not cease.
Let me stay right here.
This wonder world is
My unending dream.
I'm half surprised:
Surely this I don't deserve.
This heavenly time away from time.
Yet I shall not complain.
Reality floats away,
Set adrift on waves of change.
Where this road will lead,
I hope to soon discover.
I hope this will not cease.
Let me stay right here.
This wonder world is
My unending dream.
Desperate, I’m letting it lead.
Where will this sweet illusion go?
Continue to be blissful?
Or sway into deep darkness?
You know, I’d love to show you.
Just what this is about.
I’ve a feeling you’d love it, too.
Together, at last.
Dawn approaches at this time,
I cannot tarry longer, reality calls.
Tonight, this will resume once more.
My unending dream.
___________________________
Modern Suicide[/u][/i]
Such a tender subject,
But I'll discuss it anyway.
You see, I'm like this:
Depressed, tormented.
What made me like this?
Years of loneliness, rejection.
I've reached my limit,
And rest upon this precipice.
This decision I make,
Now draws me closer.
Closer to the end:
This modern suicide.
I'll write my last thoughts,
On a sheet of pure white paper.
How I wish I could stay.
See life through, but I can't.
Silent crystalline drops,
Slide down my soft cheeks.
'I'm sorry about the mess,
But it is the last I'll ever make.'
I've made my decision,
There's no turning back.
I know it approaches,
This, my modern suicide.
No gun, no cord of rope.
No, I'm not for those items.
Simple knives will do,
They suit my purpose best.
Slits and incisions drawn slowly,
Make this pain slow.
Die an agonizing death,
Consciousness leaving steadily.
Blood upon the white-tiled floor,
I breathe my last breath,
Wishing someone would comfort me,
In my modern suicide.
_________________________
Started
Can you see me?
Tottering on the ledge.
Insanity on one side,
Serenity on the other.
The more you push,
The farther I inch.
Do you want me to
Take this plunge?
Don't get me started;
Don't push me over.
The edge is all to near.
I'm leaning forwards.
You've started again.
Do you not comprehend?
Thick headed, you are.
I can't believe this.
I can't believe you can't see.
I can’' accept that.
I can't tolerate you for doing,
What I’ve asked you not to.
Don't get me started;
Don't push me over.
I don't want to
Take this looming plunge.
Harder, this time.
You persist though I cry.
Yelling, screaming,
Pleading and clinging.
Why don't you stop?
You wish to do this?
You want to drive me insane?
Won't you stop me?
It's too late, and
There's no backing out now.
I've made the dive.
You started this.
_________________________
Lifeless[/u][/i]
The sight that greeted
Your final entrance,
Will haunt your mind
Now and for eternity.
There she was,
Sprawled on the floor.
She had no solace at the end.
It was her end.
Her eyes glazed,
Her body still.
Her blank stare is
Peaceful yet accusing.
Shocked, you gape.
'No, it didn’t happen.'
Oh, but it did.
Do not deny the proof.
Shaky, you wobble towards,
The one whom you loved:
Naught more than a shell.
Now empty and cold.
That blank expression,
That cold form.
Her demise slow and
Filled with indecision.
You kneel, sobbing.
'She shouldn't have:
I loved her so.'
Nothing matters now.
Did you show her?
Did she know?
She was your world,
And now life has shifted.
Cradled limp head,
Set upon a warm lap.
Crystalline drops coat her face.
Your love, is lifeless.
_________________________
This Butterfly Feeling[/u][/i]
You know I love you.
You say that love is reciprocated.
And yet your manner,
Is what alarms me.
I’m trying to explain,
Because you don’t see – can’t see.
You don’t realize yet, that
Your cold demeanor cuts me.
Rapid, racing heartbeat;
Hands clammy and cold.
I brace myself for the shock,
Of you not grasping.
How am I to describe
What my feelings are?
I’m frantically trying,
So I can be at peace.
Painful anguish wounds me,
And yet I don’t blame you.
Oh no: I accuse myself
For the pain, the agony.
Vision bordering blurry,
I pray for strength I need,
To see this deed through.
Is it at all possible?
Was it some lust,
That the warmth is gone?
Or is it something about me,
That makes you turn away?
Or is this all too real,
And my doubts for naught?
I can’t make this smaller,
For this is but a fragment of my pain.
Burning tears, streaming down.
A hopeful flutter felt.
I don’t think I could heal again…
If it was you I lost.
_________________________
Childhood Bedtime[/u][/i]
Bedtime for this girl.
Nightly routine is through.
Though I’m waiting
To be tucked in, now.
Time for the story.
Which one shall it be?
Rows of books in order.
Sweet fairy tails.
Mom, which one to pick?
I’ve seen these stories often.
Each one I know by heart.
It’s time for something new.
What about the tale,
Of the knight and his lady?
Night’s Enchantress, and
The Light of Heaven.
How about this one?
The dark tale of the struggle
Between God, Shadow Sorcerer,
And the fiery demoness.
Mom, which shall you tell?
You said you’d tell me one day.
I feel that this is right.
Won’t you tell me them and more?
I’ll grab my plushies,
And hop up on the mattress.
Eagerly expectant for the tales
Before I sink into slumber.
The other tale I can recall,
Is one of the Lion and Rose.
And their friendship, which
Seems cannot go farther.
Soft murmurs of the story told,
I listen with bright blue eyes.
Details so vivid, so wonderful.
These are bedtime memories.
_________________________
Threads that Bind[/u][/i]
Silver threads of silk,
Bind as if they were steel.
Nothing can sever them
Eternal shackles they be.
Why must we be held?
Prisoners and royalty.
Such a contradiction,
The cursed emotions they bring.
Pulsate, burn, and cool.
Wonderful, yes, but painful.
Excruciating in their cruelty,
Intoxicating in their beauty.
To feel, to live.
These threads bind us,
Keep us in this plain.
To exist, or pass by as shadows.
Painful bliss; sinful pleasure.
To face such things day by day,
We walk together and alone, indeed.
Not knowing what others feel.
Shock, tingle, and calm.
Agonizing by most means,
The greatest of pleasure by others.
Pity they cannot be wished away.
Held willingly or resistant,
All fall prey to these threads.
Blinded by feeling;
Numbed and uncaring.
All encompassing, binding.
Tightly constricting, yet hanging loose.
What is to be the fate,
For all who bear this burden?
Anger, bliss, and fear.
Yielding to their hold,
We can only hope to comprehend,
The emotions we are held to.
_________________________
Untitled[/u][/i]
The earliest memories,
Bright and warm,
Occasionally overshadowed by gloom,
Last within my mind.
Splashing in puddles
After the early spring rain;
You'd picked me up,
The times I'd fallen.
The sweet taste of fruit,
Amidst summer sun and heat.
Along with the heat, an argument.
Tempers flare and gradually settle.
Bright and cheery colors,
Signalling Autumn's arrival.
A sea of crunchy colors;
The joy of playing amongst the leaves.
A cup of hot chocolate,
After skating on the pond.
You added marshmallows,
Earning a smile of delight.
You were there for everything,
But now that is no more.
I'll always keep the memories,
Safe within my heart.
_________________________
Dearest of ladies, Porphyria mine.
To hold you eternal; wine and dine.
The fate that should have been,
Yet, it now cannot be seen.
The act I followed through,
I hope I did not hurt you.
Peaceful, are you now?
I yearn to be with you, but how?
I’ve taken you away, so far.
I wanted to keep you, as if in a jar.
So I wound silken hair ‘round your neck,
Strangled you with passion kept not in check.
Then lay with you, did I;
Wished you a loving good-bye.
The rest of the blustery night passed,
Sometimes, I wish it would last.
And so this letter I send.
It is all-too-near, the end.
Perhaps if I were to fear,
At me, everyone would jeer.
And in this cold jail cell,
My demise marked by a yell.
You’ll find me here, still,
My body, my own to kill.
And to this plain I bid adieu,
Never see me again shall you.
My soul is so lost; deep
Into God’s hands, I pray He’ll keep.
_________________________
His Picture; My Shattered Will[/u][/i]
I must confess,
Something of importance
That I doubt I have
Strength enough to say.
If I ever doubted,
It was myself, not he.
The cause, my own self
And the foolishness within.
I carried his picture today,
And his calm smile,
Caused guilt to swell,
And my soul to crack.
Today, my thoughts
Sway with indecision;
And my sight is filled,
With that single image.
If ever I loved him,
It was true though
The distance between us
Was no small amount.
I carried his picture today,
And his warm eyes
Caused tears to grow
And my heart to break.
Perhaps one day,
A distant memory,
This time and place,
Yet for now it is not so.
If ever I was forgiven,
I do not think it so
For the deed which I've done
Will ever be reminded by his picture.
I carried his picture today,
And thinking of him,
Caused confusion to crest,
And my will to shatter.
_________________________
Note: definitely not one of my best poems, this just had to come out, though.
A Life-Long Battle[/i][/u]
A battle is lost today.
And those that bled,
Defeated, still reside in
The hearts of humans.
The single spark
Of life, love and laughter
Mock that which is
Taken from you all.
A battle lost,
A battle won.
‘tis shameful that this
Cannot be undone.
A battle is won today,
And those that laughed,
Victorious, shall remember
Those which are absent.
The flame of life
Still burns bright
And hope still reigns
For one more day.
The resting and the living,
Still remain linked hand-in-hand,
By the binding string
Of calamity and oppression.
The Walkers remember;
The Sleeping dream.
Both reunited one day;
But not today.
Carry the torch, to
Remember those who
Perished and still remain for
Memories are all we have.
_________________________
To Test a Theory[/u][/i]
Steady with the weapon.
Courage, don't let me go.
Allow me to accomplish
What nobody before dared.
Push the knife deeper;
Harder into my chest,
To feel the blood, borne from
Pain, glide down supple skin.
I'll test the theory.
Does a physical blade cut
As deep as words?
Test it on me - test me.
Now I look up from the dirt-
Ridden floor and begin to speak
Words so pleading and direct,
Begging for this one last boon.
Expression open; full of pain, sorrow,
Love, and loneliness. I wonder
Why it is you don't react. Is
The decision I've made flawed?
You can test this theory.
Can soft and sorrowful words
Possibly break your heart of stone?
Test this on you - test you.
Relentless with your actions.
Love, let's make this work.
Shall we prove these fools wrong
With hope against hope?
How long can it last?
Wait a moment; love deeper.
I'll be here with you, lending
My own emotional support.
Let's test this theory.
Can it be true? Can love
Stand the test of time and fate?
Let's test it - test us.
_________________________
Waiting[/u][/i]
I see you, with them and really
It makes me smile, immensely pleased
To see you can be like that with those girls:
Teasing, caring, protective, among others.
Then afterwards, I envision myself,
And it just doesn't fit to see me.
Why is it the things that are always
Right in front of your nose
The hardest objects to see?
I'm right over in this direction - to your left,
Watching you; waiting for you.
Is it something you view in me that
You just don't like that I'm now invisible?
I've overheard midnight, hushed conversations -
It's my physical appearance. Damn
Me for the things I cannot easily alter to suit you.
I'm only myself, after all is said and done.
Envy is such a difficult thing to overcome.
How can you act this way to others,
But be indifferent to one of your own blood?
You've been there for some important issues.
I'm still waiting for that though having no crisis.
Their clear complexions, slimmer appearance -
Does that make them human and not I?
I'm sorry I'm not a beautiful rose.
I'm sorry I'm reserved and a "loner".
I'm sorry that I cannot be like them.
I know I should try to come to you...
But I'm still here, waiting.
_________________________
Tale of Two Tears[/u][/i]
Escaping from their burdonous prison,
Two tears creeped down together,
Falling with one another to settle against
The unyielding ground, glimmering.
Both had fallen for a purpose, and
Meeting one another it seemed was but
A small portion of what their destiny
Would unravel in front of them.
Not one solitary tear, but a pair.
One shed for you, and the other
For sorrow at such a revelation.
Two tears, so that neither would be alone.
Two tears sharing a friendship,
Whoever heard of such a thing?
But they did, were, and are such.
The en was connecting the two.
Separated by unforeseen circumstances,
Both promised they would meet again.
Their parting was sorrowful, but
Both managed their pain.
Not one solitary tear, but a pair.
One shed for you, and the other
For sorrow at such a revelation.
Two tears, so that neither would be alone.
The en was their lifeline, for it
Held the two together; and
Each survived their trials. Holding
The knowledge they would meet again.
Though life carried them forwards,
The river sweeping them downstream,
Neither forgot the other, and in the vast
Ocean, they came upon one another again.
Not one solitary tear, but a pair.
One shed for you, and the other
For sorrow at such a revelation.
Two tears, so that neither would be alone.
_________________________
Delusions of Dreams[/u][/i]
Dreams; visions of wants and needs,
And yet, who can truly decipher them?
None that I know can complete that feat.
Half-veiled meanings buried within
The depths of our subconscious.
At times we nearly grasp them
Before they fly away on slender wings
Fabricated of reality and spun from life.
They always evade our grasping minds.
Fantasies; it is all they are
Until we prove them to be true.
So how is it we reach for the
Impossible dreams: wanting the
Things that are too far from reach?
What dream do I pursue?
They're all tangled together
Like the threads of fate.
Which do I choose to follow?
So weave your dreams of me tonight,
Spin them with a likeness to reality.
For if it is true all we have are dreams,
Then perhaps we may never meet...
Or we shall strive against the delusion of dreams.
_________________________
Note: this was one of my earliest works; something I'd written up the night we put our cat down.
Nameless Sorrow[/u][/i]
Crystalline tears gathered and fell,
In delicate patterns down pale cheeks
To meet their own demise upon the floor,
Forgotten yet still more join.
A soft sound from within repeats,
The mental images clear as day.
A pain-filled growl resounds,
Eyes clouded and unseeing.
A broken whisper now resonates,
Halted by bitter tears and wrenching sobs
“I’m so sorry…”
These words fall upon now deaf ears.
An anguished cry,
Torn from soft lips of crimson,
Filled with intensely laced sorrow.
“Forgive me!”
Hoping someone might hear,
And try to help ease the pain.
But the truth is known,
The cry was only from the mind.
Guilt eases slowly,
And sleep would be a welcome guest
To null the nameless sorrow,
That was found this winter’s night.
Shattered Memories
Memories,
A fragile thing,
So easily twisted and bent,
Even easier to break.
The memory of a past love,
Bright and dark at the same time,
Fills my mind, heart and soul,
With warmth and a chilling cold.
Memories long past,
The fear, exhaustion and pain,
Vividly remembered as if it had just happened,
Tear at the fabric of my mind.
A scream errupts,
Though no sound is heard,
From crimson lips,
But the sounds from within the memory.
A crash, shattering what's left,
The memory of family and friends,
Lying in pieces,
Deep within the recesses of my mind.
Shattered memories,
Like the glass lying at my feet,
Shards of what it used to be,
Forever broken.
___________________________
Breaking Me
Don’t you know?
Can’t you see?
Every slight shove,
Every small refusal…
It’s breaking me.
(Breaking me)
Why do you push me (away)?
I don’t see why.
But I know I feel.
Every crack, every splinter,
And it’s killin’ me.
Have you felt pain this deep?
Know that it’s there to stay.
It’s with me now,
But I can’t say,
That it’s hurting me.
Simple affection, heartfelt words,
Don’t last when I’m alone.
So hold me close,
Don’t let me fall.
Please, love me.
I’m safe for now,
Until the time comes,
That you do this again.
You distance yourself (from me).
It shatters me.
Don’t you know?
Can’t you see?
Every simple shove,
Every small refusal…
It’s breaking me.
(Breaking me)
___________________________
Fake Reality[/i][/u]
Naught to fear.
Nothing to be.
The way I feel,
It’s melancholy.
Can you understand?
Grasp what it is I’m saying?
I’ll only say it once,
So I hope you’re listening.
This loneliness eats me,
It leaves me unloved.
It cuts me deeper,
Than any physical blade.
You see I’m here,
Do you know why?
You seem perplexed.
Here goes, one more try:
Depression holds me,
Its icy clutch tight.
It’s slowly choking me,
I fear and loath it so.
There’s nothing I can do,
And nothing more to say.
You’ve left me, you know.
You’ve left me here alone.
Desire to be held is wrought,
Of fine emotions tied,
Threads strung together,
To withstand the sands of time.
Here is how I see it,
This fragile bond that once was,
It’s fading fast right now.
Will it be whole again?
Can it be repaired,
And be what it once was?
Or is this all a dream,
Some sort of fake reality?
___________________________
Let It Burn[/u][/i]
You can’t stop it.
It tears me up within.
If you want to know,
I’ll show what I can.
This searing pain,
Cuts me quick.
It festers constantly.
Ever growing.
This swell of emotion,
Flames rising.
Passion, depression.
Let it burn.
Everything simmers.
I’ll let you take a look.
Can I scorch you?
Do you see inside [of me]?
This constant crest,
Complex yet so simple.
It’s driving me
I fear I shan’t stop.
This swell of emotion,
Flames rising.
Anger, desperation.
Let it burn.
Burning me, I
Feel it always.
Shouting, crying,
Bleeding internally.
Emotional blood,
White hot and ice cold.
Struggle to break free.
Never ceasing.
This swell of emotion.
Flames rising
Uncontrollable, unstoppable.
Let it burn.
___________________________
Our Eternity[/i][/u]
What once was an idle heart,
Is yours to forever place claim.
Some unspoken words whispered,
Calling to what seemed to be stone.
Yet the stone was alive,
Simply waiting for someone.
Waiting to be called.
Waiting to be held – loved.
Do you realize what I mean?
This shall be an eternity.
Body, mind, and soul.
Never ceasing, ever growing.
What if I told you how it used to be?
Would you sit amazed at it all?
Sorrow, fear, and loneliness.
All shadowed what lay beneath.
Now what if I told you about now?
I’m nearly a new person, you see.
Do you know who changed it all?
No, there was only one person.
Do you realize who I mean?
This shall be our eternity.
Body, mind, and soul.
Never ceasing, ever growing.
So much, you’ve done for me.
I can only hope to repay you in fraction.
I will show you in every way,
Just how you make me feel.
Feeling the joy of simple pleasures.
I’ll share them with you,
These wonderful emotions,
Are here to stay.
Do you realize that it’s real?
I belong to you, as you belong to me.
Body, mind, and soul.
This is our eternity, now and forever.
___________________________
Guiding Light[/u][/i]
Where are you now,
My angel of the night?
My guiding force,
Through thick and thin.
Before it was something,
How bright it was.
I could see my way,
You’ve stood by me.
Warm and fragile light,
You were my great comfort.
Now it’s cold and dark,
As it had once been.
There was a time when,
Among other things said,
I thought I could bear myself.
To you, and only you.
You see, what you offered,
Protection and comfort.
Priceless gifts to me,
As much as any gold or jewel.
Warm and fragile light,
You were my great comfort.
Now it’s cold and dark,
As it had once been.
This world I wander now:
Stale, cold, and malicious,
Frightens me so much.
It’s so unexplainable.
It has filled me with terror,
And an indescribable sorrow.
Angel of the night,
Why did you leave me now?
Warm and fragile light,
You were my great comfort.
Now it’s cold and dark,
As it had once been.
___________________________
Shadow’s Form[/u][/i]
The shadow following me
Is a dark presence.
I pray you all won’t notice it,
For you do not need to know.
Just the single thought
Of this looming figure
Torments me.
This is killing me slowly.
Figure clothed in black,
Why do you follow me?
What is your purpose,
Powerful dark angel?
You reek of despair,
You radiate sorrow.
I have known you,
In this span of time.
In this realm,
I have not known apathy.
How I wish I might have had
The chance to know it now.
Figure bathed in darkness,
Why do you follow me?
What is your purpose,
My shadowed angel?
You are so familiar now,
I was mistaken before.
This is not killing me,
This is completely different.
A comfort you are now.
I can’t believe I was so blind.
You see, I know who you are,
And I know why you’re here.
Figure cloaked by shadows,
Please, reveal yourself to me.
Your purpose is to be with me.
My love, the shadow’s form.
___________________________
Sunset[/i][/u]
I sit here, alone,
Watching the sun set.
Soft breeze in the air,
Such simple comforts.
Here I am, of course,
Thinking these deep thoughts.
Shall today be the end of all?
Or will it be my own fatality?
Darkening skies,
Comfort me as I drift,
Between imagined and real.
Protect me, will you?
The sunset skies,
Give me time to reflect.
This feeling is growing...
What is it? Loneliness.
Not all comforts are equal.
Not all thoughts are of joy.
Here it is I stay for now,
Watching this dazzling sky.
Darkening skies,
Comfort me as I drift,
Between imagined and real.
Protect me, will you?
Protect me from my thoughts.
(And) These aching, burning feelings.
Tormenting, yet they fill me.
They fill me with longing.
The sky bleeds brilliant crimson.
Does it want for its own demise?
You’ve left me, my light,
Just as the sun is leaving me now.
Darkening skies,
You do not offer comfort,
Nor do you offer protection.
You bring the darkness in your wake.
___________________________
When You Come Back[/u][/i]
When you come back,
It creates mixed emotions,
And I can barely think straight.
And you cannot see me.
Trembling in frustration,
I try to reason with myself.
You didn’t mean to do that?
You hadn’t meant to leave me?
What shall I do,
When you come back?
Do I hold you close?
Or do I turn away?
I can’t say what I want to,
I fear to drive you away.
I can only stare hopelessly,
And try to explain.
I’m glad for this screen.
It separates us,
And you can’t see
That this tears me up.
What shall I do,
When you come back?
Do I seek solace in your arms?
Or do I stay in this dark void?
I’m trembling from this tide.
Each emotion written upon my face.
I’m grateful you can’t see me cry.
Silent tears, painful tears.
Each time you leave me,
A knife is thrust through my heart.
This beautiful agony,
I know I would wait for you forever.
What shall I do,
When you come back this time?
Shall I cling tightly, never let go?
Or shall I lock myself in sorrow again?
___________________________
Unending Dream
I lie here,
Between the realms
Of waking and slumber.
Oh, what it is I see.
Peaceful calm steals over,
Causing me to sigh, content.
This state is too pleasant;
I know I’m only dreaming.
I hope this will not cease.
Let me stay right here.
This wonder world is
My unending dream.
I'm half surprised:
Surely this I don't deserve.
This heavenly time away from time.
Yet I shall not complain.
Reality floats away,
Set adrift on waves of change.
Where this road will lead,
I hope to soon discover.
I hope this will not cease.
Let me stay right here.
This wonder world is
My unending dream.
Desperate, I’m letting it lead.
Where will this sweet illusion go?
Continue to be blissful?
Or sway into deep darkness?
You know, I’d love to show you.
Just what this is about.
I’ve a feeling you’d love it, too.
Together, at last.
Dawn approaches at this time,
I cannot tarry longer, reality calls.
Tonight, this will resume once more.
My unending dream.
___________________________
Modern Suicide[/u][/i]
Such a tender subject,
But I'll discuss it anyway.
You see, I'm like this:
Depressed, tormented.
What made me like this?
Years of loneliness, rejection.
I've reached my limit,
And rest upon this precipice.
This decision I make,
Now draws me closer.
Closer to the end:
This modern suicide.
I'll write my last thoughts,
On a sheet of pure white paper.
How I wish I could stay.
See life through, but I can't.
Silent crystalline drops,
Slide down my soft cheeks.
'I'm sorry about the mess,
But it is the last I'll ever make.'
I've made my decision,
There's no turning back.
I know it approaches,
This, my modern suicide.
No gun, no cord of rope.
No, I'm not for those items.
Simple knives will do,
They suit my purpose best.
Slits and incisions drawn slowly,
Make this pain slow.
Die an agonizing death,
Consciousness leaving steadily.
Blood upon the white-tiled floor,
I breathe my last breath,
Wishing someone would comfort me,
In my modern suicide.
_________________________
Started
Can you see me?
Tottering on the ledge.
Insanity on one side,
Serenity on the other.
The more you push,
The farther I inch.
Do you want me to
Take this plunge?
Don't get me started;
Don't push me over.
The edge is all to near.
I'm leaning forwards.
You've started again.
Do you not comprehend?
Thick headed, you are.
I can't believe this.
I can't believe you can't see.
I can’' accept that.
I can't tolerate you for doing,
What I’ve asked you not to.
Don't get me started;
Don't push me over.
I don't want to
Take this looming plunge.
Harder, this time.
You persist though I cry.
Yelling, screaming,
Pleading and clinging.
Why don't you stop?
You wish to do this?
You want to drive me insane?
Won't you stop me?
It's too late, and
There's no backing out now.
I've made the dive.
You started this.
_________________________
Lifeless[/u][/i]
The sight that greeted
Your final entrance,
Will haunt your mind
Now and for eternity.
There she was,
Sprawled on the floor.
She had no solace at the end.
It was her end.
Her eyes glazed,
Her body still.
Her blank stare is
Peaceful yet accusing.
Shocked, you gape.
'No, it didn’t happen.'
Oh, but it did.
Do not deny the proof.
Shaky, you wobble towards,
The one whom you loved:
Naught more than a shell.
Now empty and cold.
That blank expression,
That cold form.
Her demise slow and
Filled with indecision.
You kneel, sobbing.
'She shouldn't have:
I loved her so.'
Nothing matters now.
Did you show her?
Did she know?
She was your world,
And now life has shifted.
Cradled limp head,
Set upon a warm lap.
Crystalline drops coat her face.
Your love, is lifeless.
_________________________
This Butterfly Feeling[/u][/i]
You know I love you.
You say that love is reciprocated.
And yet your manner,
Is what alarms me.
I’m trying to explain,
Because you don’t see – can’t see.
You don’t realize yet, that
Your cold demeanor cuts me.
Rapid, racing heartbeat;
Hands clammy and cold.
I brace myself for the shock,
Of you not grasping.
How am I to describe
What my feelings are?
I’m frantically trying,
So I can be at peace.
Painful anguish wounds me,
And yet I don’t blame you.
Oh no: I accuse myself
For the pain, the agony.
Vision bordering blurry,
I pray for strength I need,
To see this deed through.
Is it at all possible?
Was it some lust,
That the warmth is gone?
Or is it something about me,
That makes you turn away?
Or is this all too real,
And my doubts for naught?
I can’t make this smaller,
For this is but a fragment of my pain.
Burning tears, streaming down.
A hopeful flutter felt.
I don’t think I could heal again…
If it was you I lost.
_________________________
Childhood Bedtime[/u][/i]
Bedtime for this girl.
Nightly routine is through.
Though I’m waiting
To be tucked in, now.
Time for the story.
Which one shall it be?
Rows of books in order.
Sweet fairy tails.
Mom, which one to pick?
I’ve seen these stories often.
Each one I know by heart.
It’s time for something new.
What about the tale,
Of the knight and his lady?
Night’s Enchantress, and
The Light of Heaven.
How about this one?
The dark tale of the struggle
Between God, Shadow Sorcerer,
And the fiery demoness.
Mom, which shall you tell?
You said you’d tell me one day.
I feel that this is right.
Won’t you tell me them and more?
I’ll grab my plushies,
And hop up on the mattress.
Eagerly expectant for the tales
Before I sink into slumber.
The other tale I can recall,
Is one of the Lion and Rose.
And their friendship, which
Seems cannot go farther.
Soft murmurs of the story told,
I listen with bright blue eyes.
Details so vivid, so wonderful.
These are bedtime memories.
_________________________
Threads that Bind[/u][/i]
Silver threads of silk,
Bind as if they were steel.
Nothing can sever them
Eternal shackles they be.
Why must we be held?
Prisoners and royalty.
Such a contradiction,
The cursed emotions they bring.
Pulsate, burn, and cool.
Wonderful, yes, but painful.
Excruciating in their cruelty,
Intoxicating in their beauty.
To feel, to live.
These threads bind us,
Keep us in this plain.
To exist, or pass by as shadows.
Painful bliss; sinful pleasure.
To face such things day by day,
We walk together and alone, indeed.
Not knowing what others feel.
Shock, tingle, and calm.
Agonizing by most means,
The greatest of pleasure by others.
Pity they cannot be wished away.
Held willingly or resistant,
All fall prey to these threads.
Blinded by feeling;
Numbed and uncaring.
All encompassing, binding.
Tightly constricting, yet hanging loose.
What is to be the fate,
For all who bear this burden?
Anger, bliss, and fear.
Yielding to their hold,
We can only hope to comprehend,
The emotions we are held to.
_________________________
Untitled[/u][/i]
The earliest memories,
Bright and warm,
Occasionally overshadowed by gloom,
Last within my mind.
Splashing in puddles
After the early spring rain;
You'd picked me up,
The times I'd fallen.
The sweet taste of fruit,
Amidst summer sun and heat.
Along with the heat, an argument.
Tempers flare and gradually settle.
Bright and cheery colors,
Signalling Autumn's arrival.
A sea of crunchy colors;
The joy of playing amongst the leaves.
A cup of hot chocolate,
After skating on the pond.
You added marshmallows,
Earning a smile of delight.
You were there for everything,
But now that is no more.
I'll always keep the memories,
Safe within my heart.
_________________________
Dearest of ladies, Porphyria mine.
To hold you eternal; wine and dine.
The fate that should have been,
Yet, it now cannot be seen.
The act I followed through,
I hope I did not hurt you.
Peaceful, are you now?
I yearn to be with you, but how?
I’ve taken you away, so far.
I wanted to keep you, as if in a jar.
So I wound silken hair ‘round your neck,
Strangled you with passion kept not in check.
Then lay with you, did I;
Wished you a loving good-bye.
The rest of the blustery night passed,
Sometimes, I wish it would last.
And so this letter I send.
It is all-too-near, the end.
Perhaps if I were to fear,
At me, everyone would jeer.
And in this cold jail cell,
My demise marked by a yell.
You’ll find me here, still,
My body, my own to kill.
And to this plain I bid adieu,
Never see me again shall you.
My soul is so lost; deep
Into God’s hands, I pray He’ll keep.
_________________________
His Picture; My Shattered Will[/u][/i]
I must confess,
Something of importance
That I doubt I have
Strength enough to say.
If I ever doubted,
It was myself, not he.
The cause, my own self
And the foolishness within.
I carried his picture today,
And his calm smile,
Caused guilt to swell,
And my soul to crack.
Today, my thoughts
Sway with indecision;
And my sight is filled,
With that single image.
If ever I loved him,
It was true though
The distance between us
Was no small amount.
I carried his picture today,
And his warm eyes
Caused tears to grow
And my heart to break.
Perhaps one day,
A distant memory,
This time and place,
Yet for now it is not so.
If ever I was forgiven,
I do not think it so
For the deed which I've done
Will ever be reminded by his picture.
I carried his picture today,
And thinking of him,
Caused confusion to crest,
And my will to shatter.
_________________________
Note: definitely not one of my best poems, this just had to come out, though.
A Life-Long Battle[/i][/u]
A battle is lost today.
And those that bled,
Defeated, still reside in
The hearts of humans.
The single spark
Of life, love and laughter
Mock that which is
Taken from you all.
A battle lost,
A battle won.
‘tis shameful that this
Cannot be undone.
A battle is won today,
And those that laughed,
Victorious, shall remember
Those which are absent.
The flame of life
Still burns bright
And hope still reigns
For one more day.
The resting and the living,
Still remain linked hand-in-hand,
By the binding string
Of calamity and oppression.
The Walkers remember;
The Sleeping dream.
Both reunited one day;
But not today.
Carry the torch, to
Remember those who
Perished and still remain for
Memories are all we have.
_________________________
To Test a Theory[/u][/i]
Steady with the weapon.
Courage, don't let me go.
Allow me to accomplish
What nobody before dared.
Push the knife deeper;
Harder into my chest,
To feel the blood, borne from
Pain, glide down supple skin.
I'll test the theory.
Does a physical blade cut
As deep as words?
Test it on me - test me.
Now I look up from the dirt-
Ridden floor and begin to speak
Words so pleading and direct,
Begging for this one last boon.
Expression open; full of pain, sorrow,
Love, and loneliness. I wonder
Why it is you don't react. Is
The decision I've made flawed?
You can test this theory.
Can soft and sorrowful words
Possibly break your heart of stone?
Test this on you - test you.
Relentless with your actions.
Love, let's make this work.
Shall we prove these fools wrong
With hope against hope?
How long can it last?
Wait a moment; love deeper.
I'll be here with you, lending
My own emotional support.
Let's test this theory.
Can it be true? Can love
Stand the test of time and fate?
Let's test it - test us.
_________________________
Waiting[/u][/i]
I see you, with them and really
It makes me smile, immensely pleased
To see you can be like that with those girls:
Teasing, caring, protective, among others.
Then afterwards, I envision myself,
And it just doesn't fit to see me.
Why is it the things that are always
Right in front of your nose
The hardest objects to see?
I'm right over in this direction - to your left,
Watching you; waiting for you.
Is it something you view in me that
You just don't like that I'm now invisible?
I've overheard midnight, hushed conversations -
It's my physical appearance. Damn
Me for the things I cannot easily alter to suit you.
I'm only myself, after all is said and done.
Envy is such a difficult thing to overcome.
How can you act this way to others,
But be indifferent to one of your own blood?
You've been there for some important issues.
I'm still waiting for that though having no crisis.
Their clear complexions, slimmer appearance -
Does that make them human and not I?
I'm sorry I'm not a beautiful rose.
I'm sorry I'm reserved and a "loner".
I'm sorry that I cannot be like them.
I know I should try to come to you...
But I'm still here, waiting.
_________________________
Tale of Two Tears[/u][/i]
Escaping from their burdonous prison,
Two tears creeped down together,
Falling with one another to settle against
The unyielding ground, glimmering.
Both had fallen for a purpose, and
Meeting one another it seemed was but
A small portion of what their destiny
Would unravel in front of them.
Not one solitary tear, but a pair.
One shed for you, and the other
For sorrow at such a revelation.
Two tears, so that neither would be alone.
Two tears sharing a friendship,
Whoever heard of such a thing?
But they did, were, and are such.
The en was connecting the two.
Separated by unforeseen circumstances,
Both promised they would meet again.
Their parting was sorrowful, but
Both managed their pain.
Not one solitary tear, but a pair.
One shed for you, and the other
For sorrow at such a revelation.
Two tears, so that neither would be alone.
The en was their lifeline, for it
Held the two together; and
Each survived their trials. Holding
The knowledge they would meet again.
Though life carried them forwards,
The river sweeping them downstream,
Neither forgot the other, and in the vast
Ocean, they came upon one another again.
Not one solitary tear, but a pair.
One shed for you, and the other
For sorrow at such a revelation.
Two tears, so that neither would be alone.
_________________________
Delusions of Dreams[/u][/i]
Dreams; visions of wants and needs,
And yet, who can truly decipher them?
None that I know can complete that feat.
Half-veiled meanings buried within
The depths of our subconscious.
At times we nearly grasp them
Before they fly away on slender wings
Fabricated of reality and spun from life.
They always evade our grasping minds.
Fantasies; it is all they are
Until we prove them to be true.
So how is it we reach for the
Impossible dreams: wanting the
Things that are too far from reach?
What dream do I pursue?
They're all tangled together
Like the threads of fate.
Which do I choose to follow?
So weave your dreams of me tonight,
Spin them with a likeness to reality.
For if it is true all we have are dreams,
Then perhaps we may never meet...
Or we shall strive against the delusion of dreams.
_________________________
Note: this was one of my earliest works; something I'd written up the night we put our cat down.
Nameless Sorrow[/u][/i]
Crystalline tears gathered and fell,
In delicate patterns down pale cheeks
To meet their own demise upon the floor,
Forgotten yet still more join.
A soft sound from within repeats,
The mental images clear as day.
A pain-filled growl resounds,
Eyes clouded and unseeing.
A broken whisper now resonates,
Halted by bitter tears and wrenching sobs
“I’m so sorry…”
These words fall upon now deaf ears.
An anguished cry,
Torn from soft lips of crimson,
Filled with intensely laced sorrow.
“Forgive me!”
Hoping someone might hear,
And try to help ease the pain.
But the truth is known,
The cry was only from the mind.
Guilt eases slowly,
And sleep would be a welcome guest
To null the nameless sorrow,
That was found this winter’s night.
